A Message From My Father

A lot can happen in a few months, things have been busy but that’s been a good thing. If I keep busy then I can’t dwell on the personal things. If I can’t dwell on the personal things then I’m not sitting in a dark hole. I don’t want to sit in that hole, ever. Who does though, right?
I received a message from my Father last week, it’s been sitting there unread. I’m still angry, I’m still hurt and I still don’t really know how else to feel. I’ve been avoiding the fact that he reached out to me by burying his message. For whatever reason though, I decided to read it, finally… and then I cried. Hard. I find his words hard to believe, considering, but he felt the need to share them. And so I, in turn, felt the need to share them.
You might think that I never love you, but you were the most important person since I saw you, I wrote this several years ago
 ¡Así es la vida
Tres motivos la vida le dio

tres luceros Dios le presentó;
el primero corriendo llegó
a caminar papá le enseñó.

El mayor hombrecito salió
y a papi rápido siempre imitó
con su carro de Batman corrió
y un día la escuela acabó.

La siguiente… muchachita lloró
pues papi siempre la reprendió.
¡Papi, papi, mami no me dejó!
Pero un día el papi sólo quedó.

El tercero como siempre comió
la comida él nunca despreció.
Pero ahora la escuela conoció
Y a su papi también él dejó.

Tres motivos la vida le dio,
tres pequeños que ya él enseñó.
Cada uno a su tiempo voló…
y sólo con sus recuerdos quedó…

The last news that I have of my father is that he remarried and now has a daughter on the way. At 31 years old, I have a baby sister. A sister who I may never know.

Miss Eloisa Signature

From Hot to Not

Well it seems that the Gentleman isn’t such a gentleman…

Maybe that isn’t the case, but it appears that whatever feelings he had aren’t there anymore because I haven’t heard from him. I was talking to a (guy) friend about this over the weekend. We’d been talking for almost 3 months… which is practically a relationship. I’m not really sure what happened with the Gentleman, prior to the last two weeks everything was hot. We communicated every day, saw each other pretty regularly and everything was non-stop. Then one week he was busy with work, a weekend came and we didn’t make plans (although still kept in touch) and then the next week came and I didn’t hear from him. Well I shouldn’t say I didn’t hear from him because I did, exactly three times. Two of which were in response to when I reached out to him. It’s funny, I think anyway. I got a text from him late Saturday night, reached out to him Wed (with little response) to find out he was sick and then again on Friday (to find out he was feeling better) and then nothing….

I reached out once after that and figured since I didn’t get a response it was safe to assume I wouldn’t be hearing from him again. It’s kind of disappointing, to say the least, considering before him I hadn’t really gone past an initial meeting with anyone. I told you, this dating thing is hard for me. I generally put in a lot of myself into a relationship and I’m not really sure that I have the heart to do it over and over again. My SIL keeps telling me to just go with it and have fun, date around. Meet people, go out, have fun! But in reality I have a hard time doing that because when I start to like someone I focus on that one person. Which kind of kills the whole “have fun and date around” thing. I find it difficult to share my attention now a days, when I was younger I could do it with no problem. I wasn’t always the most morally sound person, ya know? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy receiving attention (ie: the Salesman or even the English kid) but ultimately my heart was with the Gentleman.

It’s annoying to think that things were going well between us and suddenly it’s over. And not know why. I wouldn’t be so concerned if he’d just come out and said “hey it’s not working” or something… but to not hear from him at all. Annoying. I fucking hate the fade out, I really do. I think it’s rude and inconsiderate. Plus, it doesn’t let me know what I did wrong (if anything) or give me the chance to fix it or make it (ME) better.

But… it is what it is, right?! Nothing left to do but move on with myself and keep going.

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I Think Hell Froze Over

I Gave My Number to a Stranger

A few weeks ago I was out with coworkers for a birthday. Three of us decided to keep the party going so we ended up in Wicker Park. Now if you’ve been following along you’ll know that I’m generally very shy when it comes to guys so the fact that this happened is kind of a big deal for me. I’d never been out with these two girls (aside from the occasional after work drink) and maybe that helped. Our first stop was Flat Iron, which was pretty nice, I like how they’ve changed it since it was the Blue Note. It seems bigger. Had a few drinks there and then decided to change locations. When we stepped outside we’d paused a moment so that my friend could light a cigarette and while doing so ran into two guys. I have a bit of a soft spot for a cute guy with an accent, specifically an English accent. Started talking to these guys and decided we were all going to go to the next bar together. The guy was kind of sweet, a bit young but still cute. they were in town for the weekend. One of them worked in NYC and the other was visiting. Had a few drinks and a few laughs before the night ended.

Standing in Line for the Bathroom

As the lights came on and the bar was calling last call I ran to the bathroom one last time. While I was waiting I caught this guys eye. Normally I’d look down or look away but I didn’t do that this time.  Instead I shot him a smile and he came over. Our introduction wasn’t long as the girl ahead of me walked out and it was now my turn to go in.

As I came out the guy was standing by the bar with his friends, he stopped me as came closer and asked for my number. I was kind of in a rush (bc I didn’t want to lose my friends or the cute English guy either) and gave the guy my number. “I’ll text you right now so that you have it, and won’t forget.” And sure enough as I walked away he text me. I’m not even sure what I was thinking at the time, because it’s all a bit foggy at this point. But the guy from the bar  (We’ll call him the Salesman) and I text back and forth for a while after that. He actually asked me to come over, but at 5 in the morning there isn’t much to do with someone you just met that doesn’t involve getting naked. So I politely declined and he said he’d text me later in the week.

And Then it Began…

I was actually surprised when the Salesman contacted me the following week and a bit confused. Like I said, things were a little foggy so I couldn’t really remember what he looked like. Although, by the name in my phone the Salesman was “hot”. I went a few days hoping that I hadn’t lied to myself about that, until he sent me a photo. Nope! I hadn’t lied, the Salesman was indeed hot and tall. 🙂 We went a couple of weeks talking just by text, with a few phone calls in between. Although the phone calls weren’t very long but more of a “just wanted to say hi before I went to bed” kind of thing. He’s a nice guy, although a bit of a partier. But he appears to be well off, definitely a bonus, and…. he’s my age. (shocker).

Catch up to last week, we met up on Wednesday for a drink (re: this article again) homeboy is just as good-looking in real life as he is in pictures, if not better. Although in talking to him in person I got a feeling that we’d be better off as friends than anything else…. and not just because he’s constantly “ON”, going out or planning on leaving the city in a year. Okay, well maybe partially because of all that.

The Kicker

There were two things that he’s said to me in the few weeks we’ve known each other that kind of threw me off… 1) he was willing to put in time until I was comfortable with him and 2) He wasn’t necessarily Boyfriend material but he’s willing to give it a try. The first night we met I told him I wasn’t looking for a booty call (although in all honesty if I do keep in touch with him that’s what he’ll end up being, I’m sure), and he said we’d just see how things go. He wasn’t looking for anything serious, but more of a casual relationship. Like many guys I’ve encountered he wanted to meet someone cool that he could hang out with and talk to, but not be overly committed to. He made a few comments about how he didn’t want to settle (down).

And interestingly, we talked about various ways that I should be approaching guys at the bar. Because I am an attractive woman, and shouldn’t be scared to do so. (Thanks Dr. Salesman)

This one’s been interesting… and I feel that it will continue to be interesting.

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The Mating Game

I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now… for some reason it’s been a challenge getting it put together and posted.

I know that I tend to write mostly about things going on in my dating life but really, at this point in my life, that’s the most interesting thing I have going on… I’m blaming the SLCS for this.

Anyway, before the last year or so I didn’t really put much effort into dating. I’d been dumped by a non-boyfriend and was pretty devastated over it. I pretty much spent 3 years of my life with someone only to be told “Sorry, I really like you but I found someone better” [Awesome] I can’t really talk shit about it because I knew what I was getting into, I was just blinded by the possibility that he might change his mind. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone to change more than I wanted him to change… I worry about him some times. But that is another story in itself.

I hung out with guys in the time since that ‘breakup’ but I didn’t really get close with anyone, mainly because I didn’t want to and because most of the guys were douchebags. I was trying to get over the douchebag phase. So here I am, almost one year (or is it two?) into actually paying attention to my love life and OMG Wtf guys WHY is dating so difficult as an adult? Was there some memo that went around that I missed about how I probably should have settled down at a younger age like almost everyone else I know because if not I’d end up old and alone? My mom has given up on me finding a “good man” so that I can settle down, now she’s just telling me to bring a baby home.”You don’t have to get married or have a boyfriend. AND You don’t even have to take care of the baby, I will… as if it were your little brother or sister.” [Yes, I’m serious.]

No, that’s not happening. I’m almost 100% sure that I don’t want kids, although she does have one point right… If I did have kids I would just bring them home (adoption ftw)!!

But I’m getting off track here. Dating is hard. Why did it get so hard and how the hell am I supposed to know who-what-where I’m going to find the one person for me?! I started paying attention to my online profiles, although there seem to be slim pickings there as I’m not interested in the guys who like me and visa versa. I’m beginning to think that maybe I should lower my standards a bit. But, the thing with that is that I don’t have anything ridiculous that would disqualify a man. If anything I’ve had to up my standards so that I can weed out the riff-raff (over the douchebags remember?)

Well I guess I can’t say it’s completely hard, I have been seeing a bit more of one guy but even so, I’m not sure WTF I’m doing or if I’m even doing it right. I’m so used to being a certain way with people because I know them, 97% of my past relationships were with people I had already known. I knew them inside and out and there was no questioning whether or not they thought I was crazy, clingy or just weird. But what I’m doing now, it’s completely different and I find myself wondering if I’m coming of crazy, clingy or just weird.

I read this article from the Thought Catalog that pretty much, well it didn’t really help ease my current aversion to relationship building but at least it let me know that I wasn’t the only one out there thinking “wtf”. As I’ve gone through various profiles and talked to guys it always comes down to one thing; looking for casual fun/relationship, nothing serious. What is that? So you’re looking for all of the perks of a girlfriend but not the title? Is it easier to just pick up and leave, if there’s no commitment, well yea of course. But what’s the point? Why not just advertise it as looking for a friend with high chance of getting it in at the end of the night!? At least then you’re honest about what you’re looking for, right? The whole “casual” thing is BS, I think anyway. Any guy I’ve spoken to who is looking for something more casual will speak to me and treat me like a girlfriend. I don’t want that, mainly because then I end up falling in love with you and you end up leaving me because I’m taking you at what you say, not what you’re doing. Sure, be nice to me but don’t be overly emotional when all you’re looking for is a booty call. What’s the point?! If I wanted something casual I’d go out to a bar and pick a random dude and get my jollies off. I’d be all over Tinder. But I’m not looking for something casual, I’m looking for something significant.

think I have that with the Gentleman from my Maybe It’s Me post… but I’m weary of it because of previous comments he’s made. (re: I may be clingy, crazy or weird) Wait, that’s worded weird, HE didn’t make comments about me being clingy, crazy or weird, but rather he made comments about the last girl he dated. Who oddly sounded like me in some respect, and I’m making a conscious effort to not BE that way. I think I actually like this guy so I’m trying not to mess it up. Which brings me to another question… when is it appropriate to have the whole “where is this going” conversation?!

In the end…. 

The Unwilted and Pure, or not.

I’ve officially made it past a first date, it’s been a while since that’s happened. Things have been going smoothly, we talk daily and I’m still amused.

However, there was an issue that was brought up the other day that had me thinking.  This guy’s a bit of a jokster – of course because I wouldn’t settle for anything less – so during one of our daily chats he decided it would be a good time to confess something.

“G, there’s one thing you should know about me that i failed to mention.”  (what’s that?)

(really?)
“yes, I am” (okay)
“Does that matter?”

Does it matter…. I didn’t respond as I was kind of baffled by the idea that someone I knew might actually be a virgin. Well, I shouldn’t say that because I do know someone who’s currently a virgin but she doesn’t make it a big ‘thing’ like some might. I knew that the next things out of my mouth had to be thought out… because my initial reaction was to ask “Why?” I liked this guy – or like rather because we’re still talking – so I didn’t want to offend him. Up until this point I’ve done a good job of not offending him, which is a feat in itself.

Immediately I did what any girl would do… I went to a friend. I figured if I got all of the things that I wanted to say out-of-the-way then I could approach my conversation with him in a positive manner.

But before I could respond to his last question he followed up with “I’m just kidding.” I’m sorry, what? I literally went on a rant about whether or not I’d actually be able to be with someone who was a virgin and you come out with “I’m kidding”. Just when I was going to commend him on being a male in his late twenties and still a virgin… nice.

The whole rest of the day I kind of felt like an asshole because for a brief moment I thought there was no way that I’d be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who wasn’t as ‘experienced’ as I was, right – I sound like an asshole. But in reality, I think it’s a great thing that there are people who  maintain their chastity. There’s nothing wrong with that… even if for a brief moment I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. You know why? Because if you care about someone enough, you’d stick by them… right?!

Maybe it’s just Me

I’ve been sitting on this blog for a few days  now… I’m not entirely sure how I wanted to approach this one so here goes.

I found myself thinking about chivalry the other day. I hear a lot of women talk about how chivalry doesn’t exist anymore, but then turn around and call guys creeps for doing something that could be considered chivalrous. (O_o) I’m sorry, what? Somehow being nice comes off creepy. Trust me I know that there are creepy guys out there, I’ve met a few myself, but when I hear about some of the things that guys do in my head I’m going “aww” while the girl speaking is going “ewww”. So maybe it’s just me.

This is what started this; I’ve been talking to this guy from POF, in my time actively using that website for it’s intended purpose I haven’t really met anyone really worth meeting IRL (ah except for the Marine). This guy seemed different though, I wasn’t really sure why. After a couple of days exchanging messages he just asked “so what do you think?” He took it as an opportunity to suggest we move things off-line and gave me his phone number. I’ll usually give my number in return and secretly hope he’ll contact me first… which he did. [Throughout my dating history I’ve never been the one to initiate, and while the last year or so seems to be more ‘have to go out and get it’ I’d still rather the guy do it]

It didn’t take long before I started realizing that he was a bit different, not in a bad way, but just generally nicer than most guys that I’ve met (ever). It was fun. Maybe it’s just me and my shitty choice in male companions but I was surprised by the following;

  • He offered to pick me up on our first date – this doesn’t seem to happen anymore, and while I understand that bad things can happen have we really gone so far as this being a scary thing? Obviously I made him promise not to kidnap me, and he in turn made me promise that I was actually a woman.
  • He asked if we could speak on the phone – We did this… the phone call lasted about 3 hours and went more smoothly than I thought it would. I think this has happened one other time in the last two years. WTF is up with that? He said it was a lost art, and while I’m a woman of few words I completely agree with him.
  • He inquired about my last name – I’ve somehow gotten into the habit of not getting this information until much later. In general the really important shit that you should learn up front gets covered by every day mundane information.
  • He used my name, repeatedly –  Again, not something that’s really done (but maybe it’s just me). I actually like that he does this, and have made a point to do it myself. For some reason it’s a bit reassuring.

And that was all within one day… I actually made a comment about how he was a bit old-fashioned and then that it was sad I even considered this to be ‘old fashioned’. He just said he was raised that way.

So I guess that brings me to this; Why is it that the things listed above might seem weird, or creepy, to some rather than what should be done? Would these steps be considered chivalrous? What does chivalry even mean anymore? I know that some consider this to be a bad thing, as if to say that I’m unable to do things for myself therefore a man must do them for me… that’s not at all how I see it. It’s more of a courteous and polite way to behave towards another person, man or woman. But maybe that’s just me?

Growing up my dad told me that there was a specific way that men were supposed to treat women, if they respected you. Or even if they just cared. According to him this is what a man’s supposed to do;

  • Open (and hold) doors
  • Offer up your seat up to someone else
  • Offer your coat when you see that I’m cold – although I wouldn’t necessarily take it because then he would be cold but it’s the thought that counts.
  • Walk curbside
  • “Ladies first”
  • Pay attention and take the other person into consideration
  • Take my coat – this one maybe not as necessary, but again it’s the thought that counts.
  • Wait until you’ve reached the door before leaving
  • Walking me to the car
  • Offer your arm – I’ve always felt this was more for when you’re in a relationship with someone, I like linking arms or holding hands, it’s better than walking an arm’s length apart. Right?

Now, I’ve come to realize that my father wasn’t the best example in how a man should treat a woman, but how he put things is basically how I’d like to be treated. Be nice. Be courteous….. be aware that I’m even there! [And I’m not saying this is how guys NEED to treat women, but how you should treat others as a person. I’d hold the door open for you if I saw you coming up behind me or coming towards me… I’d offer my seat up to someone who needed it, etc.]

But these aren’t things people really do anymore…

Anyhow… this guy did that… all of that. It’s also little things that have come out in our conversations that have shown me that yea… there are still guys out there who do these kinds of things for women. And I’m fucking happy about that!

I want to be courted (I know it’s an out dated word, but it’s true) and no one seems to really DO that anymore….

What comes before a Cougar?

There’s been a bit of a buzz around the office, or within my team rather. I seriously hope it isn’t around the office, how awful would that be! Anyway… a couple of weeks ago I mentioned the cutie at work, well seeing as how things were a little crazy and whatnot there were some details that we managed to either not find out, or just plain don’t remember. Thanks liquid gold. So this week I thought, ‘crap, how old is this guy!?’ and asked Chris if she knew. Apparently he was between 22 and 25, of course because that would be the case!

So I started thinking about the past year and how I have a significantly high number of gents responding to my online profiles that are between the ages of ….. 22 and 26. I mean, that’s not a huge issue for me. I mean really, as long as you’re able to walk into a bar and legally buy me a drink we’re all good. It’s just interesting to see that it happens whether I am looking for it or not. My friend Mike has teases me on more than one occasion saying I’m “robbing the cradle”. Personally, I feel that expression is mean for “old” people. Older ladies rob the cradle, like ladies in their 40’s or 50’s. Right? Surely 31 isn’t totally robbing the cradle, I mean… isn’t there an age bracket of 25-30? I realize I’m still outside of that bracket, by ONE YEAR, but it still counts doesn’t it!?

Anyway, now that I ‘knew’ his age I started to think maybe I shouldn’t do anything about it. I’d already had a few situations involving younger guys but did I really want to take the chance at someone even younger ?! Up until now I’ve only met guys 24 or older. What the hell would I have in common with a 22-year-old?! Although, at this point I think I’d accepted the fact that he would just be office eye candy.

HOWEVER, I was talking to another coworker and she said that he was closer to my age, not 22.

//sigh of relief//

Not sure I’d really want to start telling people I was interested in a guy who was 22 years old, I already get shit for the one 24 yo and the handful of 25 year olds.

hmmm maybe there is a bit of shame hidden in there after all.

When I expressed that concern, she told me to stop being dumb. Apparently it didn’t matter considering I look “a lot” younger than I actually am. [Which is actually a comment I get pretty often. Within the last two years I think I’ve gotten anything from 16 to 24, although I really think they’re playing it down because there’s no way I look 16.] Then she started rehashing the events of the Christmas party and said he couldn’t be 22! *insert mathematical problem here involving dates and life experiences* After much debate it was decided that the cutie at work is in fact around my age. 

Now, if only I could work up the nerve to actually talk to the guy, we’d be golden.

There was actually a point to this post, but in my ramblings I’ve completely forgotten it.

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