I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now… for some reason it’s been a challenge getting it put together and posted.
I know that I tend to write mostly about things going on in my dating life but really, at this point in my life, that’s the most interesting thing I have going on… I’m blaming the SLCS for this.
Anyway, before the last year or so I didn’t really put much effort into dating. I’d been dumped by a non-boyfriend and was pretty devastated over it. I pretty much spent 3 years of my life with someone only to be told “Sorry, I really like you but I found someone better” [Awesome] I can’t really talk shit about it because I knew what I was getting into, I was just blinded by the possibility that he might change his mind. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anyone to change more than I wanted him to change… I worry about him some times. But that is another story in itself.
I hung out with guys in the time since that ‘breakup’ but I didn’t really get close with anyone, mainly because I didn’t want to and because most of the guys were douchebags. I was trying to get over the douchebag phase. So here I am, almost one year (or is it two?) into actually paying attention to my love life and OMG Wtf guys WHY is dating so difficult as an adult? Was there some memo that went around that I missed about how I probably should have settled down at a younger age like almost everyone else I know because if not I’d end up old and alone? My mom has given up on me finding a “good man” so that I can settle down, now she’s just telling me to bring a baby home.”You don’t have to get married or have a boyfriend. AND You don’t even have to take care of the baby, I will… as if it were your little brother or sister.” [Yes, I’m serious.]
No, that’s not happening. I’m almost 100% sure that I don’t want kids, although she does have one point right… If I did have kids I would just bring them home (adoption ftw)!!
But I’m getting off track here. Dating is hard. Why did it get so hard and how the hell am I supposed to know who-what-where I’m going to find the one person for me?! I started paying attention to my online profiles, although there seem to be slim pickings there as I’m not interested in the guys who like me and visa versa. I’m beginning to think that maybe I should lower my standards a bit. But, the thing with that is that I don’t have anything ridiculous that would disqualify a man. If anything I’ve had to up my standards so that I can weed out the riff-raff (over the douchebags remember?)
Well I guess I can’t say it’s completely hard, I have been seeing a bit more of one guy but even so, I’m not sure WTF I’m doing or if I’m even doing it right. I’m so used to being a certain way with people because I know them, 97% of my past relationships were with people I had already known. I knew them inside and out and there was no questioning whether or not they thought I was crazy, clingy or just weird. But what I’m doing now, it’s completely different and I find myself wondering if I’m coming of crazy, clingy or just weird.
I read this article from the Thought Catalog that pretty much, well it didn’t really help ease my current aversion to relationship building but at least it let me know that I wasn’t the only one out there thinking “wtf”. As I’ve gone through various profiles and talked to guys it always comes down to one thing; looking for casual fun/relationship, nothing serious. What is that? So you’re looking for all of the perks of a girlfriend but not the title? Is it easier to just pick up and leave, if there’s no commitment, well yea of course. But what’s the point? Why not just advertise it as looking for a friend with high chance of getting it in at the end of the night!? At least then you’re honest about what you’re looking for, right? The whole “casual” thing is BS, I think anyway. Any guy I’ve spoken to who is looking for something more casual will speak to me and treat me like a girlfriend. I don’t want that, mainly because then I end up falling in love with you and you end up leaving me because I’m taking you at what you say, not what you’re doing. Sure, be nice to me but don’t be overly emotional when all you’re looking for is a booty call. What’s the point?! If I wanted something casual I’d go out to a bar and pick a random dude and get my jollies off. I’d be all over Tinder. But I’m not looking for something casual, I’m looking for something significant.
I think I have that with the Gentleman from my Maybe It’s Me post… but I’m weary of it because of previous comments he’s made. (re: I may be clingy, crazy or weird) Wait, that’s worded weird, HE didn’t make comments about me being clingy, crazy or weird, but rather he made comments about the last girl he dated. Who oddly sounded like me in some respect, and I’m making a conscious effort to not BE that way. I think I actually like this guy so I’m trying not to mess it up. Which brings me to another question… when is it appropriate to have the whole “where is this going” conversation?!
In the end….