There Comes a Time in a Girl’s Life…

Well… it’s happened. I moved!!!! And to celebrate I wanted to share this post I did for the Daily Urbanista.

8 Things That Happen When You Live Alone

I’ve spent so much of my 20’s in the city and have seen so many of my friends move that it only made sense to move where everyone else I knew lived. Plus, it’s Chicago… need I really say more? So here I am, in a small one bedroom apartment on the far north side and I’m realizing more and more just how much can change when you live alone.

1. Hi Couch, I love you

I’ve never spent as much time on my couch as I have this past month. There’s just too much Netflix to catch up on! It also doesn’t help that I am still living out of boxes so really the couch is the only place to be, except my bed. But then I’d be asleep all of the time.

when you live alone

2. There’s no such thing as Breakfast or Lunch or even Dinner.

 Cooking for one just seems silly and it takes way too much effort seeing as how you have to scale down recipes, otherwise you end up with a ton of leftovers. I have no problem cooking for 4+ people (that just makes sense), but cooking for one is a bit difficult. Not to mention the fact that I have to go grocery shopping and I still haven’t mastered the idea of buying what I’ll eat versus what I think I’ll eat. My last trip to the grocery store ended with me carrying out a gallon of milk, two boxes of cereal and a dozen eggs. Who says you can’t eat cereal three times a day?

when you live alone

3. It’s easier to just buy more dishes, right?

Since I don’t really cook you think it’d be easy to wash dishes as I go, but that just seems like a waste of water. And with the drought in CA everyone has to do his/her part to conserve, right?! This is also how I feel about laundry, but it’s okay, because I purge and donate at least twice a year.

when you live alone

4. Oh shit, spider!

I’ve never really been afraid of spiders (or most insects for that matter) but something about living alone and finding one in the closet just left me with an unsettling feeling. I don’t advocate killing spiders, but the other day I silently panicked and grabbed a shoe. I am truly sorry Mr/s. Spider

when you live alone

5. No Pants party

I used to joke about this all of the time, but now it’s actually possible. Most people I know lounge around in sweats and yoga pants, but I don’t own these things so what’s the alternative? A good ol’ NO PANTS party (for one obvi)!!! Please give me a 10 minute warning before you arrive at my doorstep, it would be greatly appreciated.

when you live alone

6. You are your own boss

Out late and want to sleep in? Go for it. Don’t feel like getting out of bed? Don’t worry about it. There’s no one to tell you not to, no one to pull open the blackout curtains you put up or to pull you out of bed by the ankle. This was a huge selling point for me, however that internal clock that makes you get up earlier the older you get has apparently started ringing. Who knew I’d eventually get out of bed before 10 AM on a weekend?

when you live alone

7. Sometimes you do need help

Yes, I have a small tool set with essential items. Yes, I know how to use a hammer without smashing my finger, and even have a small hand saw. Although I’m not entirely sure what I’ll need it for, but better to be safe than sorry right? But that doesn’t help me when I can’t get the 100+ pound box up the damn stairs and into my apartment so that I can use said tools. My first attempt was sad, and after talking to a coworker about it he offered to help me should I receive any other heavy packages. Luckily for him I had one coming the next day. It is SO much easier to move a wooden shelf when you have two people versus pushing it up a rounded staircase by yourself!

when you live alone

8. Open Door Policy

It’s just me… and the cats… do I really have to close doors?! I mean, I have the blinds pulled up in the living room so anyone can see in but the bedroom and the bathroom are out of view. So I’m safe, right? It didn’t hit me until a week or so in that I probably should be more careful with the windows considering I’m technically on the first floor. (oops)

when you live alone

So there you have it… I moved into the city and am now living alone. Definitely not what I thought it would be like, but let’s save that for another post?!

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Heartless Whore Nights

Prompt #4: Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

Let’s be honest, one of the greatest things about being single is that you don’t have to “answer” to anyone. You can do what you want, when you want and not worry about someone getting upset when you get home at night.

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Ladies being ladies.

 A couple of years ago my girlfriends and I were accused of being “heartless whores”,  apparently the fact that we liked to go into the city on the weekends and dance at the  bars/clubs made one girl in particular upset. There were a couple of factors into her  conclusion but the fact was, we were a group of young and single girls. We didn’t have  any serious attachments so we were able to do this pretty frequently and, despite what  one person thought (and told others) we weren’t going around hooking up with every  Tom, Dick or Harry. Other than the fact that we liked to go out and have a good time  there wasn’t anything malicious or dirty about what we were doing.

 Those were actually some of the most fun times that I’ve had, I learned a lot about  myself back in those days and I continue to learn/grow. Things that have helped me  throughout the years following, things that have made this (long) period of being single  actually enjoyable. Don’t get me wrong, obviously I enjoy being in a relationship (for  reasons explained in my last post) but I’m okay where I’m at in my life. I do enjoy some  of the freedoms and perks that single life has to it.

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Date Night vs The Baby Daddy

I believe in being honest with people, at least trying to be when appropriate. I’m aware that there are situations where honesty may not be the best, and can make adjustments.

That being said, I have always been honest with any of the gents that I’ve met or talked to the past few months. My pictures are up to date, my info is up to date, everything is laid out in the open. Because I trust that who I see in the profile and who I come to know through our communication is who I will see when we meet. I’m aware that there’s always the chance that it might be all wrong but I’d think that if you’re planning to meet someone you would be honest about who you are…

This past Friday I went out with a guy that I was on the fence about, we’d exchanged a few messages over the last few weeks and then moved over to the phone. He said he wasn’t big on texting, which is fine, but then all he would do was text me. When we first started communicating with one another I wasn’t really sure I understood what he was saying. His messages where erratic, yet oddly they were eloquently worded, so much so that I was actually intimidated by them and almost just left it there. Something about how he said things made it sound a lot smarter than I’d been used to, not saying I date dumb people but you could tell that dude had an elaborate vocabulary as well as an imaginative mind. But I didn’t, I was intrigued to see how he was in person. After a couple of weeks we just stopped talking, and after my date with the Marine I figured none of the other guys I had been talking to brought up the idea of going out so I had to (begrudgingly) do it myself. I wouldn’t normally ask a guy out, that’s not how I was raised, and let’s face it I like being pursued. Who doesn’t? I was getting a bit frustrated that it wasn’t really happening, so I brought it up. I didn’t ask anyone out right if they wanted to go out, but I did touch the subject.  He said he wanted to ask me out but just didn’t speak up when the opportunity came up. We finally spoke on the phone and it was awesome, for lack of a better word. If our written chemistry was good, or verbal chemistry was even better. We spoke three times regarding our date. Which he later asked if we could not call it a date and approach this as if we were becoming friends, fine by me because it takes some of the pressure off of things. Except, after that, he would always refer to it as…a date.

Dining room of Café La Cave

I was still questioning a few things but it felt alright. Initially we were talking about going to see Madame Butterfly at the Lyric Opera house which I was really excited about, but he said we could also do something prior to that, so the night of our non-date came and we decided to meet up at Café la Cave. I’ve dated before but usually it was more of a budding relationship between friends, so dates were more casual and relaxed and there wasn’t that whole “getting to know you” process that you have with a stranger. But I’d never really been OUT, or done anything super fancy, which is part of what I found exciting about the plans that we were trying to put together. If you haven’t been (or heard of) Café la Cave, it’s basically a banquet hall, but it also has a small restaurant in it with a bar. It’s a NICE place, I mean white linen table clothes and expensive food, kind of nice. I’m waiting outside as he’s walking up and he walked right past me. I didn’t even know it was him because he didn’t look like the guy in the pictures that I’d associated with him. I’m not sure exactly what it was but he just looked different. (that was odd) We greet each other and go into the restaurant, he asked me if we needed reservations (which honestly, he should have checked before hand since he was the one that planned the evening), we didn’t. We walk in and are looking over the menu and he notices how much it actually costs. I’d looked up the menu prior, I like to know what kind of foods are served, that way if it doesn’t look appealing I can suggest something else. As we’re looking he made a comment about the price range that I should consider, which maybe I’m wrong but I thought that was not something that should have been said. Maybe I’m weird though, but honestly I can’t justify paying a shit ton of money for food, so I’m not going to get the $58 dollar dish. Hell, I won’t get steak or seafood if it’s more than $20 and instead I’ll just go with chicken or a salad. I’m not going to have some guy pay $100+ for a meal that may not even go well! lol If we were dating, maybe, but not on a first encounter. We order our food (I got the Chicken Piccata, he got a green salad and a seafood platter) and started talking.

We talked about everything and anything, and maybe even a few things that you’re not supposed to – religion/politics etc. He. Could. Talk! Which isn’t that big of a deal because I’m not much of a talker so at least one of us could create some noise. It wasn’t a horrible night, but I had become a bit disillusioned by the person who actually showed up, he wasn’t exactly what I had imagined (which is one of the bad things about online dating). We spent a good chunk of the evening talking, after the restaurant had closed we decided to sit in my car and talk some more. We were waiting to hear back from some people because we were supposed to go out dancing. My friends were still making plans while we were at dinner so I told them to let me know once everyone knew where they were going and we’d probably show up (his idea). Before I realized it, it was after 3am. I really just wanted it to end, I wanted it to end right after dinner but I couldn’t figure out how to make that happen. Previously he had made some comments about how people sometimes cut the night short after dinner rather than go through with the entire night and that he wasn’t rude like that, so I didn’t want to be an asshole. He’d also made a comment about how people can rule others out due to certain ‘road blocks’. In our conversations he had eluded to the fact that his life wasn’t perfect and that he had done a lot of soul searching and personal growth in the last few years, but he never came out and said exactly what the “road blocks” were… until about 4AM on the night of our date.

Homeboy has 2 kids, which he made absolutely NO mention of prior to that moment. He said that he hadn’t mentioned it because people are quick to rule him out and think of him as undateable. No, I don’t necessarily think that having kids makes a person undateable, I think not TELLING someone that you have kids makes you undateable. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t date someone with kinds, but more that I wouldn’t do that right now, because I am in no way ready to deal with that kind of responsibility. Whether it be my own kids or someone else’s kids. I’m not a kid person, I lack the level of “Maternal” instinct that is needed to really be around children. I mean, I have 2 young nieces, and my family jokes all of the time that they wouldn’t leave the kids with me. EVERY one who is close to me, knows about my aversion, I mean, I LOVE my nieces (*step/nonstep), but I go about them a whole different way. And it’s taken me a long time to really get comfortable with them to the point that I can interact with them. My idea of being a good aunt is dropping $100 on them for their birthday (which I do). Those kids have gotten more out of me than I’ve given anyone else I’ve known in my life. I just… don’t know how to take care of little people. Maybe that makes me a bad person, I don’t know. We’ve all become pretty accepting of this part of me. So, when he told me this, I applauded him for being a good father (or trying to be) but I didn’t really see myself being with him romantically after that.

We ended the night after that, and went our separate ways. He ended up calling me around 10 AM the next day (I was still very much asleep) to ask if I wanted to meet him (and his oldest son) at Gameworks. I felt like such an ass for not responding but what could I say? Thankfully the night before I had explained that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. But I know that I’m going to have an actual conversation with him about this… he’s a nice guy, just… not the guy for me.

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That same morning I received a text from the Marine asking me out again, that was a surprise. I honestly thought I wouldn’t hear from him again.

Once a party girl, always a party girl- apparently.

There seems to be a general opinion of me… well, there are a few opinions of me floating around out there, but the one I’m currently thinking of is that I am apparently some huge party girl. And any time I meet someone new and this comes up… it makes me think of this gem by Eddie Murphy;

Now, the truth is that yes, I DO like to party. Or rather, I enjoy going out, but to say that I’m all about the good times and parties is false. And I think sometimes this is why people don’t really get to know me, because the life style that I supposedly live is fast and dangerous. I assure you, it is not, in the least bit. Especially not dangerous!

It’s not like I’m driving out to the hood to go to a party at 2 in the morning anymore.

I like going out though, and am usually forcing myself to be social, because if I didn’t then no one would ever see me and I’d be a huge hermit. No joke, if I don’t make myself go out once in a while I probably wouldn’t leave my house. So, I go out… to bars, to clubs, to restaurants, where ever the people are!

But gone are the days where I’m in the city 4-5 days in a row and out until 3-5 A.M. Now I’m lucky if I go out once a week and I’m usually home by 2 A.M.

I do miss it sometimes, racing home so that I could jump into bed before the sun came up… because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to sleep, at all. Thank goodness for blackout curtains! This probably has a lot to do with my insomnia now… aah the consequences of our life choices.

I also think that the reason why people think I’m such a party girl is because when I DO go out, there are pictures, and lots of them! But it’s not my fault that my friends like to pretend to be paparazzi!!!

In fact, this last weekend – a long holiday weekend at that – I spent most of my time alone on my couch watching reruns of Friends and the Nanny… zomg too much rave!!! How’s that for a big party girl?!

And now… if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go to bed now.

– Kthnxbai!

She’s moonlighting at the Gentleman’s Club.

I had a nice little chat with an Ex the other day… both of us talking about about how we want to move to the city and what our plans are in order to make that happen. Once again making me realize that I not at all where I’d hoped I’d be at this age….
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I drive by Heavenly Bodies on a daily basis and have often wondered just how bad it’d be to work there. I’d basically live off of zero sleep, which I don’t get much of anyhow. But what’s the pay like?

Celebrate; Secret life!

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Nothing more thrilling than feeling the energy a crowd gives off when during an amazing set. This was taken at Chicago’s first Electric Daisy Carnival, we were up front for Armin Van Buuren’s set. It’s been a good while since the last time I felt that much energy from a crowd.

KThnxBai

Look Ma, a Parade!

Chicago held it’s 44th Annual Pride parade was this past weekend, thankfully it wasn’t disgustingly hot like it has been in previous years. I’m always in awe of how many people go, for whatever reasons. And this year I was especially shocked (and slightly overjoyed) in the amount of Latinos that showed up.

I’m proud of how far we’ve come, and I know how far we still have to go. And every year, I will be there to show my support. And it’s absolutely amazing to see just how many people came out this years with 1 Million in attendance, GO CHICAGO!!

Photo Credit: ChicagoPride.com