Re-thinking this whole dating thing…
Like, I don’t know if I want to really do it anymore.
Because I’ve been doing it for OMG SO LONG.
No but really, I was thinking that I’ve had more canceled dates than actual dates and maybe I should take that as a sign that I’m really not cut out for this dating thing.
I was actually supposed to go out for a drink Tuesday night but it didn’t happen. Why? Because his friends were throwing him a surprise going away party… because he’s moving… to Ohio. Yea, I know, please refer to #1 under “gina”. I did it again, met someone actually pretty cool and we hit it off. Only for him to tell me way into the conversation that he’d been offered a job out-of-state. He still felt that he owed me coffee or something and wanted to meet, so we set up a time/date/place. And then I got a text saying he couldn’t make it, very apologetic which I guess is nice but still a bummer. He also send this “And besides, you’re too pretty to only hang out with once”. Is that supposed to make me feel better about it all? Because it doesn’t.
I’ve also been talking to this guy from Oxford. He’s currently in town and we kinda hit it off. Of course, because that’s what I do… even my EX’s think so!
It’s what I do… I find the most unavailable person out of the bunch and swoon over him.
On that note, Michigan is coming to visit in 15 days. I got a snapchat pic saying he was counting down the days. The girl in me immediately thought he was counting down the days until he saw ME. But the realist said that he’s just excited to leave the base and see his family & friends. I’m not even sure if I LIKE him, so much as I like the idea of him. We haven’t seen each other in a really long time so I don’t know how we’ll interact with one another. As of right now we’re going to head to Headquarters Beercade for drinks before going to the Mid or some other place, that part hasn’t been confirmed just yet. His birthday is the next day but he hasn’t extended any invitation to whatever it is he’s doing, and I’m not expecting one… but I was kind of hoping he’d want to hang out as much as possible. I mean… a year ago the guy said we should give each other a chance even if we lived in two different states. Although, he hasn’t said anything about anything since then so maybe he didn’t really mean it and we’re just friends.
Prompt: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate.
I feel like this is a repeating question… is this like one of those tests where you’re asked the same question in different ways so that your change answers shows your real answer. Or something.
And I will of course fail because I’m indecisive, LOL. However, I don’t ask for much. I just ask that the person I’m with be respectful to himself, his family, me and mine. I am by no means perfect and I’d like someone who accepts me for my imperfections at the very least try to be understanding of certain situations that I find myself in. Life hasn’t always been easy and I need (would like) someone who can recognize that.
Someone who’s responsible, thoughtful and empathetic. No one’s prefect, and relationships are about learning, growing and compromise. I’m willing, if you are.
If you’d like to read more though you can also see what I said here when I first (or maybe that was the second) time I talked about this subject.
Prompt: Where you are in life vs. where you thought you would be at this point.
I’m not at all where I thought I’d be by this age.
I used to think that by this age I’d already be married or at the very least off living some fabulous life in the city. I have accomplished neither of those… I’ve spent my life dating the wrong guys and running from the right ones, only thinking about what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with “the one”. I’ve come close a couple of times, but again I’m better off not having married either guys. (They’re both married now)
As for the fabulous city life, that’s always been pushed back. I am still trying to figure some things out, especially now with my living situation. At this moment I need a job that had better pay, that way I can live somewhere comfortably and not in the hood. Not that I’m expecting some fancy elaborate place, I’d be fine with a small one bedroom. But as is that’s not currently possible, so I’m trying to change that! Because if I don’t I’ll have to relocate to a different city and that’s not something I really want to do. (No offense stl/family) Although there are some perks to that, I love Chicago way too much. Lol
I missed a day (oops!) so today you get two in one!
Prompt: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life & Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”
I’m going to switch this up a bit, it’s not so much a big misconception about single life but more a misconception about my life. I feel like people have a tendency to forget that I’m around. There’s been more than one occasion where someone will ask me during the week why I wasn’t out with the group on the weekend. Well, probably because no one told me that every one was going out. And nine out of ten times this person will respond with “oh, I didn’t say anything because I thought you were… ” A) busy or B) [insert mutual friends name] told you.
Everyone always assumes that I’m busy partying it up when in reality I’m sitting at home on the couch crying into a pint of ice cream because I have no friends and no one loves me. (I’m kidding, mostly, I don’t cry into a pint of ice cream. Who wants salty, watered down ice cream?) Quit assuming that I’m out living some fabulous life dammit, sometimes I DO want to see you and hang out!
As for the quote, I believe it, to an extent anyway. I’d mentioned a couple posts back that I was awesome at self sabotage.. so while I wanted to be in a relationship I was somewhat guarded and would jump ship as soon as I thought he (or I) would get hurt. Not to mention I’d always been able to find all of the wrong guys and the guys that I probably should have been dating never got the chance. I always felt that if I’d dated the “right” guys one of us would seriously end up messed up. I didn’t really believe in true happiness or relationships, because that was too much. It meant that I had to give myself completely to another person, be responsible for their emotions and in turn be accountable for my own actions.
I’d cry about it and complain about it but I never did the right thing. Because that meant actually facing my fears and my faults.
Prompt #2: Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.
I’ve learned to deal with being on my own, part of the process of acceptance and growth and all of that other BS. But occasionally there are days (or situations) like today when it just plain out sucks. It never hits me more than when I am home alone. I live in a spacious home that went from having 5 people living in it down to 2 people. With high ceilings and large rooms it can get pretty chilly and quiet, and I feel somewhat uncomfortable being here by myself. I’ve always felt like this, even when there were 5 people living here as soon as everyone would leave I’d get lonely. So this weekend (like many others) I’m here alone, just me and my cats, and I haven’t turned off the TV if only just to have some noise going on in the background.
“The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.” – Charlotte Brontë
I will admit that I’ve generally been dependent on having someone in the house with me. There is something comforting about having someone near by, specifically in a romantic sense. I LIKE being around people (most of the time), I like cuddling and doing things for others. So on days where there’s no one to do things for somehow making breakfast (or any meal really) just isn’t as enjoyable. Plus, there’s no one here to do the dishes or help pick up. (^_~) There’s no one here to talk to or joke with or just sit next to. I miss the closeness that comes with being in a relationship. Lazy Sundays on the couch, breakfast in bed (ha not that it’s ever been done, but still) having someone to comfort me when I’m sad or just generally feeling down. Especially having someone around to help me out when I’m sick, and I miss me being able to reciprocate all of this for someone who I care about. Someone to share all of my life secrets and knowledge with, to help me learn and grow as a person and quite frankly… no one to share more intimate moments with.
It took me a while to get used to sleeping in a bed by myself, not that I’ve ever been in a relationship in which I stayed with someone every night. But there were a couple of long weekends that were quite enjoyable.
I know that I won’t always feel like this, at least I seriously hope that I won’t. One day it’ll be different, I will have grown tired of being alone with my 3 cats. Either that or I’ll pay someone to be my companion, a live in friend maybe?! I know that no matter how low and lonely I feel, it won’t always be like this. It can’t always be like this! So here’s to ‘one day’… and making it all happen.
You just gotta take the leap, and go for it. Live life by the day, forgetting the past. The worst that can happen is a little bit of heartbreak and a lesson learned, which isn’t so terrible after all. Heartache sucks, but you’ll be stronger in the long run. So, get out there, and good luck! – The Unfortunate Status Of Broken Girl
I’d like to think that things are that easy, and maybe they are for some, lucky them if so… but not for me. At least I don’t think so, or maybe it’s that I don’t make it that easy. I try not to bring my baggage along with me, but some scars are too deep to be healed completely.
It’s funny how you think things are okay and then suddenly something random makes you realize that things probably aren’t okay and you should probably figure it out before anything real can really happen again. That’s how I feel, I’ve managed to work through most of my issues with past relationships although I am a bit more guarded (not by much obvi since I was about to give up after Mr. Tinder)… but there’s a struggle brewing. And if I don’t do something about it ASAP I’m afraid I will actually end up alone and eaten by my cats. (I see the way my smushy face looks at me, sizing me up and whatnot!) I’ve actually started writing again, so hopefully that helps, but it all takes time, right?
So here’s to time, and healing the past.
Now… if only I could start working through those daddy issues I have… not ready to confront those just yet, not even really ready to talk about it. Although I’ve thought about it. But, how personal IS personal when you write a blog.. and how much am I really willing to admit.
I have a confession to make… a am… a cat lady. I come home and there’s a cat waiting far me at the door, I sit down and there’s a cat at my head and one on my lap. This “little” guy is constantly crying if I’m not paying attention to him. Who needs kids when you have needy cats?
Also, this helps with the occasional loneliness, because he’ll cuddle up with me on the couch.
Yea… no one can love me the way that my cats can! No one. 😉