I may as well get another cat

I’m beginning to think that I won’t be dating anyone, anytime soon. And that’s really starting to upset me. But this isn’t at the top of my “wtf” list. As mentioned in the last post I moved!!!

In the last couple of months I quit a comfortable job, moved into the city, started working at a startup and then “lost” my job. Fun times. So I’m currently working part time as a hostess at a restaurant in a near by suburb and scrambling to update my resume and get a new job. The way I figure, I have enough money to get me through this month and through most of next month. If you need me I’ll be rummaging through the boxes (because yes I still have many boxes) trying to find anything worth of value that I can pawn. (jkjk)

Since I’ve moved into the city that also means that my mother moved out of state, she never considered herself much of a city girl so she quickly declined my invitation to stay with me for a bit. That being said this past Mother’s day was a bit rough.

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There Comes a Time in a Girl’s Life…

Well… it’s happened. I moved!!!! And to celebrate I wanted to share this post I did for the Daily Urbanista.

8 Things That Happen When You Live Alone

I’ve spent so much of my 20’s in the city and have seen so many of my friends move that it only made sense to move where everyone else I knew lived. Plus, it’s Chicago… need I really say more? So here I am, in a small one bedroom apartment on the far north side and I’m realizing more and more just how much can change when you live alone.

1. Hi Couch, I love you

I’ve never spent as much time on my couch as I have this past month. There’s just too much Netflix to catch up on! It also doesn’t help that I am still living out of boxes so really the couch is the only place to be, except my bed. But then I’d be asleep all of the time.

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2. There’s no such thing as Breakfast or Lunch or even Dinner.

 Cooking for one just seems silly and it takes way too much effort seeing as how you have to scale down recipes, otherwise you end up with a ton of leftovers. I have no problem cooking for 4+ people (that just makes sense), but cooking for one is a bit difficult. Not to mention the fact that I have to go grocery shopping and I still haven’t mastered the idea of buying what I’ll eat versus what I think I’ll eat. My last trip to the grocery store ended with me carrying out a gallon of milk, two boxes of cereal and a dozen eggs. Who says you can’t eat cereal three times a day?

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3. It’s easier to just buy more dishes, right?

Since I don’t really cook you think it’d be easy to wash dishes as I go, but that just seems like a waste of water. And with the drought in CA everyone has to do his/her part to conserve, right?! This is also how I feel about laundry, but it’s okay, because I purge and donate at least twice a year.

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4. Oh shit, spider!

I’ve never really been afraid of spiders (or most insects for that matter) but something about living alone and finding one in the closet just left me with an unsettling feeling. I don’t advocate killing spiders, but the other day I silently panicked and grabbed a shoe. I am truly sorry Mr/s. Spider

when you live alone

5. No Pants party

I used to joke about this all of the time, but now it’s actually possible. Most people I know lounge around in sweats and yoga pants, but I don’t own these things so what’s the alternative? A good ol’ NO PANTS party (for one obvi)!!! Please give me a 10 minute warning before you arrive at my doorstep, it would be greatly appreciated.

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6. You are your own boss

Out late and want to sleep in? Go for it. Don’t feel like getting out of bed? Don’t worry about it. There’s no one to tell you not to, no one to pull open the blackout curtains you put up or to pull you out of bed by the ankle. This was a huge selling point for me, however that internal clock that makes you get up earlier the older you get has apparently started ringing. Who knew I’d eventually get out of bed before 10 AM on a weekend?

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7. Sometimes you do need help

Yes, I have a small tool set with essential items. Yes, I know how to use a hammer without smashing my finger, and even have a small hand saw. Although I’m not entirely sure what I’ll need it for, but better to be safe than sorry right? But that doesn’t help me when I can’t get the 100+ pound box up the damn stairs and into my apartment so that I can use said tools. My first attempt was sad, and after talking to a coworker about it he offered to help me should I receive any other heavy packages. Luckily for him I had one coming the next day. It is SO much easier to move a wooden shelf when you have two people versus pushing it up a rounded staircase by yourself!

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8. Open Door Policy

It’s just me… and the cats… do I really have to close doors?! I mean, I have the blinds pulled up in the living room so anyone can see in but the bedroom and the bathroom are out of view. So I’m safe, right? It didn’t hit me until a week or so in that I probably should be more careful with the windows considering I’m technically on the first floor. (oops)

when you live alone

So there you have it… I moved into the city and am now living alone. Definitely not what I thought it would be like, but let’s save that for another post?!

Movin’ on up!

Hello blog, remember me?

I’m going to start by saying: I am not a kid person, I think I’ve mentioned this before, I just don’t know how to handle them and get frustrated with the fact that they can’t talk. Once they know how to talk and poop on their own then we’re OK, but until then please keep your distance.

That being said, I’ve never had the desire to have my own children, despite constant pleas to “bring home babies” so that my mom can have grand kids. She has grand kids… five to be exact, two by blood and three by marriage… except they’re on the west coast. So I guess to her that doesn’t really count. I’ve thought about adoption, figured that would be the safest way to go about it – if I ever found someone to co-parent – I’d obviously get the kid at the age where s/he can talk and poop on their own.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to adopt though, it’s expensive and while I could do it on my own (I suppose) it’d be better if I were in a stable/loving relationship, and who knows when the hell that’s going to happen. So I realized that the thing that saddens me most about my lack of wanting kids is that I won’t have anyone to pass things on to.

The idea of having heirlooms amazes me, and I’ve seen friends – coworkers – strangers who’ve had things handed down to them from their mother etc. But then again, I don’t really have any real possessions that anyone would want, but that’s neither here nor there. The thing that gets me the most is that there won’t be any mother/daughter bonding moments in the kitchen, around the holidays, or even just on a Friday night. So what the heck am I collecting all of these recipes for? Everything I’ve taught myself or learned along the way to adulthood, who have I been learning all of that for if I have no one to share it with?

I’m moving soon, and I’m kind of excited to finally be in my own home. Even more so, I’m excited to go through the boxes that my aunt gave me when she was cleaning out my Grandma’s kitchen. I was touched when we showed up that day and she told me I could have whatever else I wanted out of the kitchen. I’m not entirely sure what’s in the boxes other than some glasses, and plates that I loved. I also have some household items that belonged to my Grandma.I supposed I could pass all of these things on to my nieces, but it’s hard when they live so far away. I’d like to give them more than just money when I die, and hope that maybe they’ll pass my things on to their children. That will probably have to do.

IN OTHER news…

I have a sister (maybe, I’m not sure when she’s supposed to be born except for it’s going to happen this month). I’m 31 and I have a baby sister. When I was in high school I had a friend who ended up having a baby brother. I thought it was weird, her being 18 and all, that’s such a huge age gab. If only I’d foresee my own future, I wouldn’t have made comments (to myself or otherwise). I don’t know if I’ll ever meet this sister since I don’t have a relationship with my father. Sometimes I think it will be nice, to be able to get to know her and see her grow up. I’ve always wanted a sister, I wasn’t too happy when my parents came home with a baby boy. (ha – I love him now though, so we’re OK) If not, I have these thoughts – hopes – whatever that she’ll come find me one day. I’ll be going on 50 by the time she’s reached the legal age to make her own decisions. And that’s even if she’ll KNOW that I exist. Or maybe I’ll go find her, I’m not sure. I just hope she is a better person than the ones who raised her, and deep down hope that she’s just like me (or ‘worse’). History does tend to repeat itself! I mean my dad basically re-enacted his father’s life (who he despised btw).  I still don’t understand it, any of it.

Both of my brothers have told me that I should talk to him; the older is a bit more supportive of the idea that it’s not going to happen any time soon. I have much to get through myself before I even start to get into that whole side of things. It’s on my To-do List, although I think I’ve been saying that for a while, but for serious this time. Once I move and am more settled I’m going to therapy!  That aspect of my life has been okay, although lately I’ve found myself withdrawing more. It doesn’t help that I have two jobs, (three if you count the DU Blog) and little time to do anything else except eat and sleep. But I try to make time to go out and be around people, so I’m trying.

I kind of envy my brothers, and the fact that they’re able to maintain some semblance of a relationship with my father. They’re lucky that they weren’t around to see the demise of our relationship, they didn’t have to deal with things the way that I did. I envy them for that as well, it all took its toll, and I’m still picking up the pieces.

But I’ll get there… one day.

An update on life

As my last post mentioned it’s been busy the last couple of months. So, in an attempt to get back into writing here’s a quick update on what I’ve been up to recently and things that have happened.

I picked up a few odd jobs over the summer, one of which included working at the Printers Row Lit Fest in Chicago. The upside to working something like this? I got to meet Andrew Zimmern, who I found out actually teaches a course at one of the local culinary schools. (amazing)

Andrew Zimmern

I took a couple of out-of-state trips to the beach. Because sometimes you just need a change of scenery, and because sometimes you can’t actually get away from work long enough to GO on a real vacation. Indiana dunes, I heart you.

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There was the 45th Annual Gay Pride Parade, to which I was able to drag a friend out of his home at an unreasonable time on a Sunday. He didn’t really seem to mind once we started drinking with breakfast though, so I think we’re ok! I’ve only missed, maybe, two parades since my first one in 2001. I cannot express how much it means to me to go and show my support. But again, who doesn’t mind drinking with breakfast? Afterwards we did some sunset swimming in my friends pool so that didn’t hurt either.

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Oh, and I ran a 5k, well if we’re being honest I walked most of it, but there was some serious sprinting going on that night.

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Because yes, it was at night… and we were covered in glow in the dark powder and glow sticks by the time we walked out of that place. It was a pretty awesome time and I will have to admit that 5ks aren’t so bad.

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I did a lot of baking, both for fun and even for a little cash. I’m thinking about taking a course that Michael’s provides, it’s a 4 part course and I’ve never been able to catch them at the beginning. Until now, I was in there the other day and noticed a table display with the kits and booklets. Session 1 starts in October! Maybe I’ll finally learn how to make butter cream and decorate with something other than the rose tip. 😉

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I’ve spent loads of time in the city! My closest friend lives in the heart of things so there’s a lot of downtown wandering going on. And some amazing people watching. I hope to be spending more time there in the next coming months as I’m preparing to move, somewhere.

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Did I mention that I was selling some cupcakes? 🙂

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Other than that… I’ve been working. A Lot. I picked up a second job (part-time) as a hostess near work. I’ve also decided to start working towards my SFDC Admin Certification. Still single, and dateless as ever. HA! Still writing for Secret Lives of Chicago Singles, although we’re making a move and expanding a bit. So we’re going from SLCS to The Daily Urbanista! Super excited for that to get off the ground, maybe not so much getting it off of the ground though. We’ve actually built quite a bit considering we were all strangers to begin with, and we have quite a few guest contributors, including one that’s writing from Europe! In addition to that I’ve also decided to put together a podcast with someone, also revolving around relationships. Hopefully that will do just as well as SLCS.

And there you have it… That’s me in a nut shell. Still waiting to see what the Fall has in stored for me.

Miss Eloisa Signature

A Message From My Father

A lot can happen in a few months, things have been busy but that’s been a good thing. If I keep busy then I can’t dwell on the personal things. If I can’t dwell on the personal things then I’m not sitting in a dark hole. I don’t want to sit in that hole, ever. Who does though, right?
I received a message from my Father last week, it’s been sitting there unread. I’m still angry, I’m still hurt and I still don’t really know how else to feel. I’ve been avoiding the fact that he reached out to me by burying his message. For whatever reason though, I decided to read it, finally… and then I cried. Hard. I find his words hard to believe, considering, but he felt the need to share them. And so I, in turn, felt the need to share them.
You might think that I never love you, but you were the most important person since I saw you, I wrote this several years ago
 ¡Así es la vida
Tres motivos la vida le dio

tres luceros Dios le presentó;
el primero corriendo llegó
a caminar papá le enseñó.

El mayor hombrecito salió
y a papi rápido siempre imitó
con su carro de Batman corrió
y un día la escuela acabó.

La siguiente… muchachita lloró
pues papi siempre la reprendió.
¡Papi, papi, mami no me dejó!
Pero un día el papi sólo quedó.

El tercero como siempre comió
la comida él nunca despreció.
Pero ahora la escuela conoció
Y a su papi también él dejó.

Tres motivos la vida le dio,
tres pequeños que ya él enseñó.
Cada uno a su tiempo voló…
y sólo con sus recuerdos quedó…

The last news that I have of my father is that he remarried and now has a daughter on the way. At 31 years old, I have a baby sister. A sister who I may never know.

Miss Eloisa Signature

He’s Out There Somewhere

My dad’s birthday is coming up, Wednesday actually… and I don’t remember the last time we spoke. In fact I still don’t know where he lives, his life is all a mystery to me now. I think of him from time to time, rarely though, but still. He’s my dad, ya know?

166374_1707012605995_3240285_nI’m somewhat envious of the fact that my brothers still have some sort of relationship with him, even if they’re in the dark almost as much as I am. There’s still a chance for them to build on that. It’ll be a while until I have that opportunity, or before I even decide that I want that opportunity. I don’t really know how everything spiraled the way that it did, although in retrospect it’s best for everything that things ended the way that they did.

There are still many pieces to pick up and wounds to mend, but I’m getting there.

It’s hard to think that I went from being a daddy’s girl to being daddy’s black sheep.

Happy Birthday Dad.

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Foodporn: I do it right

We had another birthday come up, well it actually happened in May – I’m behind on my posts.

I stopped by the Faux-Bf’s cubicle one day and we started talking about baking. He actually asked about my cheesecake recipe, which I willingly gave him. At least I gave him the basic idea, I don’t want him to actually know because then what excuse will I have to talk to him? He joked that I should bring cheesecake in every day, homeboy doesn’t even like cheese cake but he eats it up when I bring it. Anyway, we started talking about cookies and how I really don’t know how to make them, well I know how to make them, they just don’t really come out right. I started talking about this cheat recipe that a coworker of ours gave me for Christmas. This will probably be the only kind of cookie that I’ll ever make and the great thing about it is that it’s pretty versatile.cookies, cake batter, cake mix

So here goes;
1 box of cake mix
1 stick of butter (or 1/4 cup of vegetable oil)
2 eggs (or 1 banana = same thing)

I also added mini chocolate chips, white chocolate chunks and some cocoa powder in there. I wanted to make these vegan because the girl who originally gave me the recipe said she’d never actually tied them. I always feel bad when some of the ladies can’t eat what I bring in because it has animal products, so I’m trying to make more vegan things, and as a plus I found out that most cake mixes are actually vegan/vegetarian friendly. Actually a lot of icings are also vegan/veg friendly – fun fact of the day.

I ended up making 2 boxes of cookies which came out to almost 4 dozen cookies. Pretty much enough to feed the team, IT and some of finance (and then some). They came out really good, not as ‘cake’ like as the first time I made them but maybe that has to do with the alternate ingredients. I’ll have to try again using the eggs and butter.

Sadly though, faux-boyfriend didn’t get any, although he did stop by to chat and say he’d stop by later for actual cookies.

Along with the cookies there was a birthday celebration, I’ll usually ask the birthday person if there’s anything specific they want and this time it was strawberry cheesecake. So I did what I always do the day before; hit up the grocery store and pray to the baking Gods that my oven will work.

I bought 2 pints of strawberries; 1 for a topping and 1 for the preserves. Yes, I made preserves and they were fucking amazing – considering I didn’t use a recipe. I just cut up the strawberries and put them in a pan with a 3/4 cup of sugar, a bit of water and some corn starch. (I looked this up later and learned that there’s no need for the water, but whatever, it worked.) I let the preserves cool while I made the cheesecake. Once I was ready to bake it I poured half of the batter in the pan. Spooned in some preserves and then poured in the rest of the cheesecake batter. More preserves on top and then swirly swirl with a knife.

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I let that cool overnight in the fridge. Cut up the remaining pint of strawberries and packed them away. The last time I did this the topping all fell apart on the way to work so I decided to just do that part at work right before we cut it up.  The only problem with this is that the strawberry slices were a little “limp” the next day. Not a huge issue but it looked better when they were freshly sliced. I brushed on some preserves on top and added three blueberries in the center to complete the flower. Ta-da!

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All in all it came out pretty good, but I may be a bit biased about that… all I know is everyone loved it. (Not to mention this is when faux-bf confessed his serious like of my cheesecake – despite not normally being a fan of cheesecake).

Another win, if you ask me!

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