Maybe it’s just Me

I’ve been sitting on this blog for a few days  now… I’m not entirely sure how I wanted to approach this one so here goes.

I found myself thinking about chivalry the other day. I hear a lot of women talk about how chivalry doesn’t exist anymore, but then turn around and call guys creeps for doing something that could be considered chivalrous. (O_o) I’m sorry, what? Somehow being nice comes off creepy. Trust me I know that there are creepy guys out there, I’ve met a few myself, but when I hear about some of the things that guys do in my head I’m going “aww” while the girl speaking is going “ewww”. So maybe it’s just me.

This is what started this; I’ve been talking to this guy from POF, in my time actively using that website for it’s intended purpose I haven’t really met anyone really worth meeting IRL (ah except for the Marine). This guy seemed different though, I wasn’t really sure why. After a couple of days exchanging messages he just asked “so what do you think?” He took it as an opportunity to suggest we move things off-line and gave me his phone number. I’ll usually give my number in return and secretly hope he’ll contact me first… which he did. [Throughout my dating history I’ve never been the one to initiate, and while the last year or so seems to be more ‘have to go out and get it’ I’d still rather the guy do it]

It didn’t take long before I started realizing that he was a bit different, not in a bad way, but just generally nicer than most guys that I’ve met (ever). It was fun. Maybe it’s just me and my shitty choice in male companions but I was surprised by the following;

  • He offered to pick me up on our first date – this doesn’t seem to happen anymore, and while I understand that bad things can happen have we really gone so far as this being a scary thing? Obviously I made him promise not to kidnap me, and he in turn made me promise that I was actually a woman.
  • He asked if we could speak on the phone – We did this… the phone call lasted about 3 hours and went more smoothly than I thought it would. I think this has happened one other time in the last two years. WTF is up with that? He said it was a lost art, and while I’m a woman of few words I completely agree with him.
  • He inquired about my last name – I’ve somehow gotten into the habit of not getting this information until much later. In general the really important shit that you should learn up front gets covered by every day mundane information.
  • He used my name, repeatedly –  Again, not something that’s really done (but maybe it’s just me). I actually like that he does this, and have made a point to do it myself. For some reason it’s a bit reassuring.

And that was all within one day… I actually made a comment about how he was a bit old-fashioned and then that it was sad I even considered this to be ‘old fashioned’. He just said he was raised that way.

So I guess that brings me to this; Why is it that the things listed above might seem weird, or creepy, to some rather than what should be done? Would these steps be considered chivalrous? What does chivalry even mean anymore? I know that some consider this to be a bad thing, as if to say that I’m unable to do things for myself therefore a man must do them for me… that’s not at all how I see it. It’s more of a courteous and polite way to behave towards another person, man or woman. But maybe that’s just me?

Growing up my dad told me that there was a specific way that men were supposed to treat women, if they respected you. Or even if they just cared. According to him this is what a man’s supposed to do;

  • Open (and hold) doors
  • Offer up your seat up to someone else
  • Offer your coat when you see that I’m cold – although I wouldn’t necessarily take it because then he would be cold but it’s the thought that counts.
  • Walk curbside
  • “Ladies first”
  • Pay attention and take the other person into consideration
  • Take my coat – this one maybe not as necessary, but again it’s the thought that counts.
  • Wait until you’ve reached the door before leaving
  • Walking me to the car
  • Offer your arm – I’ve always felt this was more for when you’re in a relationship with someone, I like linking arms or holding hands, it’s better than walking an arm’s length apart. Right?

Now, I’ve come to realize that my father wasn’t the best example in how a man should treat a woman, but how he put things is basically how I’d like to be treated. Be nice. Be courteous….. be aware that I’m even there! [And I’m not saying this is how guys NEED to treat women, but how you should treat others as a person. I’d hold the door open for you if I saw you coming up behind me or coming towards me… I’d offer my seat up to someone who needed it, etc.]

But these aren’t things people really do anymore…

Anyhow… this guy did that… all of that. It’s also little things that have come out in our conversations that have shown me that yea… there are still guys out there who do these kinds of things for women. And I’m fucking happy about that!

I want to be courted (I know it’s an out dated word, but it’s true) and no one seems to really DO that anymore….

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What comes before a Cougar?

There’s been a bit of a buzz around the office, or within my team rather. I seriously hope it isn’t around the office, how awful would that be! Anyway… a couple of weeks ago I mentioned the cutie at work, well seeing as how things were a little crazy and whatnot there were some details that we managed to either not find out, or just plain don’t remember. Thanks liquid gold. So this week I thought, ‘crap, how old is this guy!?’ and asked Chris if she knew. Apparently he was between 22 and 25, of course because that would be the case!

So I started thinking about the past year and how I have a significantly high number of gents responding to my online profiles that are between the ages of ….. 22 and 26. I mean, that’s not a huge issue for me. I mean really, as long as you’re able to walk into a bar and legally buy me a drink we’re all good. It’s just interesting to see that it happens whether I am looking for it or not. My friend Mike has teases me on more than one occasion saying I’m “robbing the cradle”. Personally, I feel that expression is mean for “old” people. Older ladies rob the cradle, like ladies in their 40’s or 50’s. Right? Surely 31 isn’t totally robbing the cradle, I mean… isn’t there an age bracket of 25-30? I realize I’m still outside of that bracket, by ONE YEAR, but it still counts doesn’t it!?

Anyway, now that I ‘knew’ his age I started to think maybe I shouldn’t do anything about it. I’d already had a few situations involving younger guys but did I really want to take the chance at someone even younger ?! Up until now I’ve only met guys 24 or older. What the hell would I have in common with a 22-year-old?! Although, at this point I think I’d accepted the fact that he would just be office eye candy.

HOWEVER, I was talking to another coworker and she said that he was closer to my age, not 22.

//sigh of relief//

Not sure I’d really want to start telling people I was interested in a guy who was 22 years old, I already get shit for the one 24 yo and the handful of 25 year olds.

hmmm maybe there is a bit of shame hidden in there after all.

When I expressed that concern, she told me to stop being dumb. Apparently it didn’t matter considering I look “a lot” younger than I actually am. [Which is actually a comment I get pretty often. Within the last two years I think I’ve gotten anything from 16 to 24, although I really think they’re playing it down because there’s no way I look 16.] Then she started rehashing the events of the Christmas party and said he couldn’t be 22! *insert mathematical problem here involving dates and life experiences* After much debate it was decided that the cutie at work is in fact around my age. 

Now, if only I could work up the nerve to actually talk to the guy, we’d be golden.

There was actually a point to this post, but in my ramblings I’ve completely forgotten it.

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Math makes me think, and other random things

I had a doctor’s appointment today, following up on some business in the lady business. At least that’s what I thought it was about, it wasn’t. Apparently they upgraded to a digital system and wanted to go through my chart just to be sure all of my information was correct.

  • Blood pressure – good
  • Lungs – good
  • Heart rate – good
  • Weight – gained a bit, guess my “losing” streak is over
  • Height – still short
  • Pregnant – no!
  • Smoking – I quit, at least I’d consider it quitting since I’ve smoked maybe once in the last two months?

And then we went further…
In 2006 I had this done
In 2011 I had that done

Wait in 2006? That’s when I was dating the grease monkey. Which means I’ve known Michigan going on 9 years. We haven’t seen which other in 8 and it took him 7 years to tell me he had feelings for me. And now here I am thinking wtf am I doing!? He’s in town, at least I think he is since that’s what he told me a few months back. “I’ll be in Chicago a few days and I’d like to see you” I have a plan, to go out, if he calls. But considering we haven’t seen each other in so long am I going to be all weird about it? And how do I stop myself from being so! For all I know he liked me, as in past tense, and then realized we couldn’t seriously date considering he’s currently stationed in South Carolina until February AND then he moves back to Michigan. Would he really want to be with someone who lives 3 hours away? I mean, it’s really not THAT far but it’s kind of tease not to mention a possible hassle to commute back and forth.

I’m crazy right? Maybe it’s not him thinking all of this but ME. I’m nervous, nervous about how we’ll interact and nervous that I’m turning this into something it’s not. Which could definitely be the case since nothing’s actually been mentioned. I mean we haven’t actually spoken since right before he left for boot camp. Yea we’ve exchanged the random snapchat and sent a brief “hello” here or there, but that’s really it. I tried to get some dialogue going when I was figuring out what we should do, but that didn’t really work out. “I don’t have any preference” seriously? Hmm… so we’ll see how that all works out.

In other news:
We had the work Christmas party recently… What. A. Crap. Show!

I really don’t have any game when it comes to picking up guys IRL, I know this. I can be way too shy sometimes and my co-workers know this. Yet they took it upon themselves to get this guy to come talk to me. He’s an attractive gent that used to sit in the cubicle across from me, I thought he was in IT but turns out he’s actually in procurement. I’m sorry what? It started out fun, we’d be at the bar next to each other and one co-worker would tease me. I was content just admiring him from afar considering I didn’t have the nerve to give him anything more than a smile in passing. But then another co-worker came into it, who then brought one of the VPs of accounts into it. “Hey D, can you give us some pointers on how to pick up a guy?” Sure he says, no problem. One thing leads to another and he finds out that I’m into this guy. A wager was made, whoever could get dude to a) talk to me or b) buy me a drink would get cheesecake. Baked by me, of course, not even really sure how THAT happened. I think dude was introduced to me 4 or 5 times, all by different people mind you, and I somehow constantly bumped into him. While we may have been drinking, this was not due to alcohol. Eventually I said fine, went up to him said everyone was acting overly nice because I found him attractive. At no point though did we really talk, everyone was into the “make it happen” and not so much the “let it happen” aspect of it all. At the end of the evening I gave him my number, since some people were going out later or possibly meeting up at his place. Needless to say he didn’t use it.

So now there is a guy at work who may (or may not) know that I’m interested in him. A guy who may even possibly have the WRONG number because I suck and was fumbling with the Iphone keypad. Seriously, no clue why I struggle with that thing so much! It’s like I’m all thumbs or something.

Now begins the horrible process of figuring out how make a meet up happen. I have it in my head that I should just ask him to have a drink and redo the whole introduction. Sigh

So many “we’ll see’s”…

The further the better, and the harder I’ll fall.

Re-thinking this whole dating thing…

Like, I don’t know if I want to really do it anymore.

Because I’ve been doing it for OMG SO LONG.

No but really, I was thinking that I’ve had more canceled dates than actual dates and maybe I should take that as a sign that I’m really not cut out for this dating thing.

I was actually supposed to go out for a drink Tuesday night but it didn’t happen. Why? Because his friends were throwing him a surprise going away party… because he’s moving… to Ohio. Yea, I know, please refer to #1 under “gina”.  I did it again, met someone actually pretty cool and we hit it off. Only for him to tell me way into the conversation that he’d been offered a job out-of-state.  He still felt that he owed me coffee or something and wanted to meet, so we set up a time/date/place. And then I got a text saying he couldn’t make it, very apologetic which I guess is nice but still a bummer. He also send this “And besides, you’re too pretty to only hang out with once”. Is that supposed to make me feel better about it all?  Because it doesn’t.

I’ve also been talking to this guy from Oxford. He’s currently in town and we kinda hit it off. Of course, because that’s what I do… even my EX’s think so!

2013-12-03_2153It’s what I do… I find the most unavailable person out of the bunch and swoon over him.

On that note, Michigan is coming to visit in 15 days. I got a snapchat pic saying he was counting down the days. The girl in me immediately thought he was counting down the days until he saw ME. But the realist said that he’s just excited to leave the base and see his family & friends. I’m not even sure if I LIKE him, so much as I like the idea of him. We haven’t seen each other in a really long time so I don’t know how we’ll interact with one another. As of right now we’re going to head to Headquarters Beercade for drinks before going to the Mid or some other place, that part hasn’t been confirmed just yet. His birthday is the next day but he hasn’t extended any invitation to whatever it is he’s doing, and I’m not expecting one… but I was kind of hoping he’d want to hang out as much as possible. I mean… a year ago the guy said we should give each other a chance even if we lived in two different states. Although, he hasn’t said anything about anything since then so maybe he didn’t really mean it and we’re just friends.

We’ll see…

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She Definitely Doesn’t want the D

It happened, finally… although this is not a proud moment or something I’d boast about, not an achievement that I’m proud of… someone has finally sent me a Dick Pic! I’ve gone this long on the internet without having been sent one before until last night (THAT, I am proud of). I should be grateful that the gent actually asked before sending it over, despite me saying no!

I guess I happened to catch him as he was re-evaluating some pictures of me (from Tinder, not that I’d personally sent him). It went something like this;

 8:32:12 PM RA – hi
RA – looking at your pics haha
Me – UH oh…
RA – those curves are so perfect for me
RA – pics dont normally turn me on either haha
RA – kinda weird
Me: – I’m sorry?
RA – wanna see what you made?
Me – Honestly, no I think I’ll pass.
RA – its just a pic
RA – just wanna share the warm feelings in some way
Me – It’s really ok.
RA – cmon
RA – like i said this is rare
RA – i’ll put a tie on to keep it classy

A few minutes later….

RA – Sent

An hour later (I was on the phone with my brother so I hadn’t seen his response)

Me – DUDE, not cool.

It should be noted that I left the text just as he’d written it, and this irks me. I know that my writing and grammar are not perfect, but I make an effort to at least try to figure it out so that everything makes sense. The fact that most people seem not to care “because it’s the internet, relax” really ticks me off. How do you really know who you’re talking to, or what they may offer you down the line?! If all I have to go by is written word then I want that person to think that I’m at least a LITTLE bit intelligent, even if what I’m SAYING isn’t. (^_~)

It should also be noted that I’m not dumb… I’m aware that SOME people browse the internet and do the unmentionable while looking at pictures. And honestly, in different context, I would have found it flattering. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know that another person finds them attractive? Just… don’t tell me about it when we don’t have any kind of real relationship. I’m not going to tell a new friend about the sex dream I had about him/her unless I know that we’re both comfortable with it. If I know you well enough, sure you bet that you’ll be hearing about the sex dream I had about you. Mostly because any time I do have a sex dream about a friend it’s really bizarre. We’ll laugh about it and then move on with our lives. No harm done!

Anyway, so he sent it. I said no, I didn’t tiptoe around saying no, I literally said NO. And yet there it was in my inbox… I didn’t open the picture but I could see a small preview (thanks gmail!) and he had indeed put a tie on. I thought that was funny and found myself laughing at that, but could not believe he’d actually taken the time to take a picture and send it to me… on the plus side at least he wasn’t small, by any means but that is besides point. WHO DOES THAT? AND HOW IS THAT OK!? My friends and I always make jokes about Dick pics… but again, I’ve never personally received one (except once, but that was definitely under specific circumstances).

I cringe at the thought that this could happen again, I’m not a prude or anything (obviously) I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of pictures being exchanged. The human body (male included) is an amazing thing to look at, but I’d rather do it in person vs in a picture. Pictures don’t do things justice…

So dudes (and ladies)… 1) ASK before you send over any nudie pictures and 2) If the recipient says NO, then s/he means no. If you want to show you privates that badly then ask him/her out and maybe you’ll get to whip it out like a normal person.

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Texting games = Srsly?!

Prompt: Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

I received a response to a text that was sent maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago. A while back I received a message on POF from a younger guy (he’s 24 or so), it’s actually kind of funny because his opening line was something along the lines of “I’ve never hit on an older woman before, please let me know if I’m doing it correctly.” I asked the usual ‘qualifying’ questions and was amused by what he was going on about. I’ve decided to push this whole process along so I gave him my number.  I’m starting to do this more, I don’t really see a point in dragging out some long email romance, let’s just get to the point. Anyway, the communication after that was kind of spotty, but when we did text it went on for more than just a few minutes. I last heard from him on the night I was out with the Baby Daddy, after that it was silence.

Until today. “Hey, sorry for the delayed response. And if ya still want… let’s get a drink or hang out”

Seriously delayed you mean? He initially sounded fun and we’d made general “future” plans to do things, or at least things we’d like to do. But now, after this “delay” I’m kind of Meh about it.

I never understood the texting game, what’s the point?! Not saying that’s what HE was doing, who knows what was going on there, but in general. There’s a way to respond to someone quickly without coming off desperate, isn’t there? And really, it’s a fucking text message, what does it matter if you respond quickly. That’s the whole point of me SENDING you a text message.  Generally if you text me you’ll get a response right away, I don’t think I’ve ever left a message unanswered for hours, let alone days. Maybe I’m too eager though…

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Going for the gold, eventually

Prompt: Your proudest accomplishment

I know that I should have a list of accomplishments, considering my age and how long I’ve been around, but I don’t. I don’t generally keep tabs on what I’ve done or what I’ve accomplished and I’m starting to think that maybe I should. I struggle with these kinds of questions because I don’t LIKE talking about myself (weird, right?). Despite what some people might think (and I have yet to figure out why), I make an awful salesperson. That being said I’d also make a bad hooker because I would NOT be able to sell myself. Sad right? Maybe, maybe not I mean hookin’ ain’t easy!

I guess one thing that I’ve been able to accomplish is that I’ve been single for the longest ever.. in my entire life. No lie, in 30 years (16 of which I’ve actually been dating) before this I’ve not been single for more than a few weeks. And a couple of weeks ago when asked (on one of the dating sites that I’m on because you know you have to cast a wide line, is that the saying!?) I figured out that I’ve been single for seven years. SEVEN!! Although that’s still up for debate because some people consider the official number to be 4 years as found myself in a quasi-relationship for 3 years. I say quasi-relationship because there was no title (his idea), but there was an understanding that we were exclusive (until something better came along). Official or not, when you spend that much time with one person feelings are bound to happen. Unfortunately for me, I was the one emotionally invested in the relationship, not him. I think of any break up I’ve been through (where I was the dumpee) this one was the worst.

Things between us weren’t exactly the same but I just figured he was busy with work, I admit that I’ve been pretty dumb when it comes to guys but I think I was the dumbest/blind/whatever with him. We still talked every day, we just didn’t see each other as much (which was almost every weekend). And one night I was online checking my email etc and I noticed his relationship status changed on Facebook. Yes, FACEBOOK. I saw that people started commenting on it and almost commented on it myself, but I didn’t. I just stared at the screen and felt every part of me sink into a hole. The whole next day I felt uneasy and sick to my stomach and he didn’t even take the time to tell me out right until the next day. Talk about complete heartbreak, I broke down like a fucking baby… I couldn’t understand what was happening or why. We’d spent a lot of time together and he went so far as to say that I became an important person in his life, one of his best friends.

I think I made crying a religion. Thinking back, it’s kind of funny that despite knowing the obvious I was able to completely fool myself into thinking that he cared for me on the same level that I cared for him.

After the “mourning” period ended I thought it was probably a good idea to give dating a break. Or at the very least not to jump into a relationship, and I didn’t! I’d go out with a guy here or there, have brief flirtatious interactions but I distanced myself emotionally (or at least tried to). I admit, for me, it’s been a struggle… but now that I think about it, it’s all been worth it. I struggled with that last relationship, I struggled for a long time but eventually, I got over it. I wouldn’t say that it was a mistake or that it was a waste of time because I learned a lot about myself and how I want (and LET) people treat me. I’m more honest with myself, more open to the idea that yea… sometimes people are douchebags and will treat you like your nothing. But, it’s never been a mistake, none of my relationships have been mistakes.

Maybe it isn’t the accomplishment that I should really recognize, but it’s something and it’s something that means a lot to me.

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