The further the better, and the harder I’ll fall.

Re-thinking this whole dating thing…

Like, I don’t know if I want to really do it anymore.

Because I’ve been doing it for OMG SO LONG.

No but really, I was thinking that I’ve had more canceled dates than actual dates and maybe I should take that as a sign that I’m really not cut out for this dating thing.

I was actually supposed to go out for a drink Tuesday night but it didn’t happen. Why? Because his friends were throwing him a surprise going away party… because he’s moving… to Ohio. Yea, I know, please refer to #1 under “gina”.  I did it again, met someone actually pretty cool and we hit it off. Only for him to tell me way into the conversation that he’d been offered a job out-of-state.  He still felt that he owed me coffee or something and wanted to meet, so we set up a time/date/place. And then I got a text saying he couldn’t make it, very apologetic which I guess is nice but still a bummer. He also send this “And besides, you’re too pretty to only hang out with once”. Is that supposed to make me feel better about it all?  Because it doesn’t.

I’ve also been talking to this guy from Oxford. He’s currently in town and we kinda hit it off. Of course, because that’s what I do… even my EX’s think so!

2013-12-03_2153It’s what I do… I find the most unavailable person out of the bunch and swoon over him.

On that note, Michigan is coming to visit in 15 days. I got a snapchat pic saying he was counting down the days. The girl in me immediately thought he was counting down the days until he saw ME. But the realist said that he’s just excited to leave the base and see his family & friends. I’m not even sure if I LIKE him, so much as I like the idea of him. We haven’t seen each other in a really long time so I don’t know how we’ll interact with one another. As of right now we’re going to head to Headquarters Beercade for drinks before going to the Mid or some other place, that part hasn’t been confirmed just yet. His birthday is the next day but he hasn’t extended any invitation to whatever it is he’s doing, and I’m not expecting one… but I was kind of hoping he’d want to hang out as much as possible. I mean… a year ago the guy said we should give each other a chance even if we lived in two different states. Although, he hasn’t said anything about anything since then so maybe he didn’t really mean it and we’re just friends.

We’ll see…

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She Definitely Doesn’t want the D

It happened, finally… although this is not a proud moment or something I’d boast about, not an achievement that I’m proud of… someone has finally sent me a Dick Pic! I’ve gone this long on the internet without having been sent one before until last night (THAT, I am proud of). I should be grateful that the gent actually asked before sending it over, despite me saying no!

I guess I happened to catch him as he was re-evaluating some pictures of me (from Tinder, not that I’d personally sent him). It went something like this;

 8:32:12 PM RA – hi
RA – looking at your pics haha
Me – UH oh…
RA – those curves are so perfect for me
RA – pics dont normally turn me on either haha
RA – kinda weird
Me: – I’m sorry?
RA – wanna see what you made?
Me – Honestly, no I think I’ll pass.
RA – its just a pic
RA – just wanna share the warm feelings in some way
Me – It’s really ok.
RA – cmon
RA – like i said this is rare
RA – i’ll put a tie on to keep it classy

A few minutes later….

RA – Sent

An hour later (I was on the phone with my brother so I hadn’t seen his response)

Me – DUDE, not cool.

It should be noted that I left the text just as he’d written it, and this irks me. I know that my writing and grammar are not perfect, but I make an effort to at least try to figure it out so that everything makes sense. The fact that most people seem not to care “because it’s the internet, relax” really ticks me off. How do you really know who you’re talking to, or what they may offer you down the line?! If all I have to go by is written word then I want that person to think that I’m at least a LITTLE bit intelligent, even if what I’m SAYING isn’t. (^_~)

It should also be noted that I’m not dumb… I’m aware that SOME people browse the internet and do the unmentionable while looking at pictures. And honestly, in different context I would have found it flattering. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know that another person finds them attractive? Just… don’t tell me about it when we don’t have any kind of real relationship. I’m not going to tell a new friend about the sex dream I had about him/her unless I know that we’re both comfortable with it. If I know you well enough, sure you bet that you’ll be hearing about the sex dream I had about you. Mostly because any time I do have a sex dream about a friend it’s really bizarre. We’ll laugh about it and then move on with our lives. No harm done!

Anyway, so he sent it. I said no, I didn’t tip toe around saying no, I literally said NO. And yet there it was in my inbox… I didn’t open the picture but I could see a small preview (thanks gmail!) and he had indeed put a tie on. I thought that was funny and found myself laughing at that, but could not believe he’d actually taken the time to take a picture and send it to me… on the plus side at least he wasn’t small, by any means but that is besides point. WHO DOES THAT? AND HOW IS THAT OK!? My friends and I always make jokes about Dick pics… but again, I’ve never personally received one (except once, but that was definitely under specific circumstances).

I cringe at the thought that this could happen again, I’m not a prude or anything (obviously) I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of pictures being exchanged. The human body (male included) is an amazing thing to look at, but I’d rather do it in person vs in a picture. Pictures don’t do things justice…

So dudes (and ladies)… 1) ASK before you send over any nudie pictures and 2) If the recipient says NO, then s/he means no. If you want to show you privates that badly then ask him/her out and maybe you’ll get to whip it out like a normal person.

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Going for the gold, eventually

Prompt: Your proudest accomplishment

I know that I should have a list of accomplishments, considering my age and how long I’ve been around, but I don’t. I don’t generally keep tabs on what I’ve done or what I’ve accomplished and I’m starting to think that maybe I should. I struggle with these kinds of questions because I don’t LIKE talking about myself (weird, right?). Despite what some people might think (and I have yet to figure out why), I make an awful sales person. That being said I’d also make a bad hooker, because I would NOT be able to sell myself. Sad right? Maybe, maybe not I mean hookin’ ain’t easy!

I guess one thing that I’ve been able to accomplish is that I’ve been single for the longest ever.. in my entire life. No lie, in 30 years (16 of which I’ve actually been dating) before this I’ve not been single for more than a few weeks. And a couple of weeks ago when asked (on one of the dating sites that I’m on, because you know you have to cast a wide line, is that the saying!?) I figured out that I’ve been single for seven years. SEVEN!! Although that’s still up for debate because some people consider the official number to be 4 years as found myself in a quasi relationship for 3 years. I say quasi relationship because there was no title (his idea), but there was an understanding that we were exclusive (until something better came along). Official or not, when you spend that much time with one person feelings are bound to happen. Unfortunately for me I was the one emotionally invested in the relationship, not him. I think of any break up I’ve been through (where I was the dumpee) this one was the worst.

Things between us weren’t exactly the same but I just figured he was busy with work, I admit that I’ve been pretty dumb when it comes to guys but I think I was the most dumb/blind/whatever with him. We still talked every day, we just didn’t see each other as much (which was almost every weekend). And one night I was online checking my email etc and I noticed his relationship status changed on Facebook. Yes, FACEBOOK. I saw that people started commenting on it and almost commented on it myself, but I didn’t. I just stared at the screen and felt every part of me sink into a hole. The whole next day I felt uneasy and sick to my stomach and he didn’t even take the time to tell me out right until the next day. Talk about complete heartbreak, I broke down like a fucking baby… I couldn’t understand what was happening or why. We’d spent a lot of time together and he went so far as to say that I became an important person in his life, one of his best friends.

I think I made crying a religion. Thinking back, it’s kind of funny that despite knowing the obvious I was able to completely fool myself into thinking that he cared for me on the same level that I cared for him.

After the “mourning” period ended I thought it was probably a good idea to give dating a break. Or at the very least not to jump into a relationship, and I didn’t! I’d go out with a guy here or there, have brief flirtatious interactions but I distanced myself emotionally (or at least tried to). I admit, for me it’s been a struggle… but now that I think about it, it’s all been worth it. I struggled with that last relationship, I struggled for a long time but eventually I got over it. I wouldn’t say that it was a mistake or that it was a waste of time because I learned a lot about myself and how I want (and LET) people treat me. I’m more honest with myself, more open to the idea that yea… sometimes people are douchebags and will treat you like you’re nothing. But, it’s never been a mistake, none of my relationships have been mistakes.

Maybe it isn’t the accomplishment that I should really recognize, but it’s something and it’s something that means a lot to me.

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No Pants for this farm girl.

Three Prompts:  Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do. Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you. Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

Well I should start by saying that I’ve thought about this particular prompt a bit and I don’t think there is anything that I do as a single person that I don’t do as someone who’s taken. Considering I don’t live alone…. although I do often joke about having “no pants” parties. If I did live on my own I’d probably be one of those girls.  I’d like to say that the first thing I whip off when I walk in the door is my bra, but these babies need the support so that’s not happening. It’s not easy being busty, that’s for sure but I deal with it. In the mean time the no pants party will be on the top of my list. I’m not saying that I’ll strip down to my skivvy’s but there will definitely be some level of nudity.

Aside from that, I’d probably be the type to talk to my cats, wait… I already do that. My cats and I have a very special bond, obviously. Except when the youngest gets feisty, and then I want nothing to do with him because he can be vicious with his claws. There have been a few times where his nails cut through my jeans. Ouch.

From time to time I look up the meaning of my name and I’ve never really been able to find JUST my name, instead it’s always been a shortened version of something else. Apparently MY name wasn’t considered a real name until the 70’s. When I originally looked up the meaning I always found the same thing; Farm Girl. But apparently now there are more meanings to it, mostly I’m royal bitches!! My favorite definitions are the ones found on Urban Dictionary, mainly; 

gina

Regarding dates… Well I haven’t actually been on that many dates. Which I guess is weird considering I’ve never really been single, but I guess I haven’t been on dates in the literal sense. This part was hard… my first year of college I had a guy ask me to hang out and when he showed up to my dorm room he presented me with a bottle of gin. I don’t even think it was a good bottle (I’m not much of a gin drinker) or even that big, it was just a plastic pint bottle. Everything else has been decent, nothing terribly embarrassing or worth writing home about!? Hm, on the flip side I had someone pick me up with half a dozen purple flowers sprinkled in glitter. I’m pretty sure he regretted that decision afterwards when there was glitter in his car for over a week. And yes, I can attest to this fact as we ended up going out a couple of times before he disappeared on me.

And there you have it… consider me your pantless farm girl (at heart) who’s excited for me to live on my own?! MEEE!!! Until then;

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I guess I DO need a Grocery list.

Prompt: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate.

I feel like this is a repeating question… is this like one of those tests where you’re asked the same question in different ways so that your change answers shows your real answer. Or something.

 

And I will of course fail because I’m indecisive, LOL. However, I don’t ask for much. I just ask that the person I’m with be respectful to himself, his family, me and mine. I am by no means perfect and I’d like someone who accepts me for my imperfections at the very least try to be understanding of certain situations that I find myself in. Life hasn’t always been easy and I need (would like) someone who can recognize that.

Someone who’s responsible, thoughtful and empathetic. No one’s prefect, and relationships are about learning, growing and compromise. I’m willing, if you are.

If you’d like to read more though you can also see what I said here when I first (or maybe that was the second) time I talked about this subject.

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3 cats in the bag

Prompt: Where you are in life vs. where you thought you would be at this point.

I’m not at all where I thought I’d be by this age.
I used to think that by this age I’d already be married or at the very least off living some fabulous life in the city. I have accomplished neither of those… I’ve spent my life dating the wrong guys and running from the right ones, only thinking about what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with “the one”. I’ve come close a couple of times, but again I’m better off not having married either guys. (They’re both married now)
As for the fabulous city life, that’s always been pushed back. I am still trying to figure some things out, especially now with my living situation. At this moment I need a job that had better pay, that way I can live somewhere comfortably and not in the hood. Not that I’m expecting some fancy elaborate place, I’d be fine with a small one bedroom. But as is that’s not currently possible, so I’m trying to change that! Because if I don’t I’ll have to relocate to a different city and that’s not something I really want to do. (No offense stl/family) Although there are some perks to that, I love Chicago way too much. Lol

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Skip Skip Skip to my Loooo!

I missed a day (oops!) so today you get two in one!

Prompt: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life & Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

I’m going to switch this up a bit, it’s not so much a big misconception about single life but more a misconception about my life. I feel like people have a tendency to forget that I’m around. There’s been more than one occasion where someone will ask me during the week why I wasn’t out with the group on the weekend. Well, probably because no one told me that every one was going out. And nine out of ten times this person will respond with “oh, I didn’t say anything because I thought you were… ” A) busy or B) [insert mutual friends name] told you.
Everyone always assumes that I’m busy partying it up when in reality I’m sitting at home on the couch crying into a pint of ice cream because I have no friends and no one loves me. (I’m kidding, mostly, I don’t cry into a pint of ice cream. Who wants salty, watered down ice cream?) Quit assuming that I’m out living some fabulous life dammit, sometimes I DO want to see you and hang out!

As for the quote, I believe it, to an extent anyway. I’d mentioned a couple posts back that I was awesome at self sabotage.. so while I wanted to be in a relationship I was somewhat guarded and would jump ship as soon as I thought he (or I) would get hurt. Not to mention I’d always been able to find all of the wrong guys and the guys that I probably should have been dating never got the chance. I always felt that if I’d dated the “right” guys one of us would seriously end up messed up. I didn’t really believe in true happiness or relationships, because that was too much. It meant that I had to give myself completely to another person, be responsible for their emotions and in turn be accountable for my own actions.

I’d cry about it and complain about it but I never did the right thing. Because that meant actually facing my fears and my faults.

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