I’ve been sitting on this blog for a few days now… I’m not entirely sure how I wanted to approach this one so here goes.
I found myself thinking about chivalry the other day. I hear a lot of women talk about how chivalry doesn’t exist anymore, but then turn around and call guys creeps for doing something that could be considered chivalrous. (O_o) I’m sorry, what? Somehow being nice comes off creepy. Trust me I know that there are creepy guys out there, I’ve met a few myself, but when I hear about some of the things that guys do in my head I’m going “aww” while the girl speaking is going “ewww”. So maybe it’s just me.
This is what started this; I’ve been talking to this guy from POF, in my time actively using that website for it’s intended purpose I haven’t really met anyone really worth meeting IRL (ah except for the Marine). This guy seemed different though, I wasn’t really sure why. After a couple of days exchanging messages he just asked “so what do you think?” He took it as an opportunity to suggest we move things off-line and gave me his phone number. I’ll usually give my number in return and secretly hope he’ll contact me first… which he did. [Throughout my dating history I’ve never been the one to initiate, and while the last year or so seems to be more ‘have to go out and get it’ I’d still rather the guy do it]
It didn’t take long before I started realizing that he was a bit different, not in a bad way, but just generally nicer than most guys that I’ve met (ever). It was fun. Maybe it’s just me and my shitty choice in male companions but I was surprised by the following;
- He offered to pick me up on our first date – this doesn’t seem to happen anymore, and while I understand that bad things can happen have we really gone so far as this being a scary thing? Obviously I made him promise not to kidnap me, and he in turn made me promise that I was actually a woman.
- He asked if we could speak on the phone – We did this… the phone call lasted about 3 hours and went more smoothly than I thought it would. I think this has happened one other time in the last two years. WTF is up with that? He said it was a lost art, and while I’m a woman of few words I completely agree with him.
- He inquired about my last name – I’ve somehow gotten into the habit of not getting this information until much later. In general the really important shit that you should learn up front gets covered by every day mundane information.
- He used my name, repeatedly – Again, not something that’s really done (but maybe it’s just me). I actually like that he does this, and have made a point to do it myself. For some reason it’s a bit reassuring.
And that was all within one day… I actually made a comment about how he was a bit old-fashioned and then that it was sad I even considered this to be ‘old fashioned’. He just said he was raised that way.
So I guess that brings me to this; Why is it that the things listed above might seem weird, or creepy, to some rather than what should be done? Would these steps be considered chivalrous? What does chivalry even mean anymore? I know that some consider this to be a bad thing, as if to say that I’m unable to do things for myself therefore a man must do them for me… that’s not at all how I see it. It’s more of a courteous and polite way to behave towards another person, man or woman. But maybe that’s just me?
Growing up my dad told me that there was a specific way that men were supposed to treat women, if they respected you. Or even if they just cared. According to him this is what a man’s supposed to do;
- Open (and hold) doors
- Offer up your seat up to someone else
- Offer your coat when you see that I’m cold – although I wouldn’t necessarily take it because then he would be cold but it’s the thought that counts.
- Walk curbside
- “Ladies first”
- Pay attention and take the other person into consideration
- Take my coat – this one maybe not as necessary, but again it’s the thought that counts.
- Wait until you’ve reached the door before leaving
- Walking me to the car
- Offer your arm – I’ve always felt this was more for when you’re in a relationship with someone, I like linking arms or holding hands, it’s better than walking an arm’s length apart. Right?
Now, I’ve come to realize that my father wasn’t the best example in how a man should treat a woman, but how he put things is basically how I’d like to be treated. Be nice. Be courteous….. be aware that I’m even there! [And I’m not saying this is how guys NEED to treat women, but how you should treat others as a person. I’d hold the door open for you if I saw you coming up behind me or coming towards me… I’d offer my seat up to someone who needed it, etc.]
But these aren’t things people really do anymore…
Anyhow… this guy did that… all of that. It’s also little things that have come out in our conversations that have shown me that yea… there are still guys out there who do these kinds of things for women. And I’m fucking happy about that!
I want to be courted (I know it’s an out dated word, but it’s true) and no one seems to really DO that anymore….