Prompt #2: Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.
I’ve learned to deal with being on my own, part of the process of acceptance and growth and all of that other BS. But occasionally there are days (or situations) like today when it just plain out sucks. It never hits me more than when I am home alone. I live in a spacious home that went from having 5 people living in it down to 2 people. With high ceilings and large rooms it can get pretty chilly and quiet, and I feel somewhat uncomfortable being here by myself. I’ve always felt like this, even when there were 5 people living here as soon as everyone would leave I’d get lonely. So this weekend (like many others) I’m here alone, just me and my cats, and I haven’t turned off the TV if only just to have some noise going on in the background.
I will admit that I’ve generally been dependent on having someone in the house with me. There is something comforting about having someone near by, specifically in a romantic sense. I LIKE being around people (most of the time), I like cuddling and doing things for others. So on days where there’s no one to do things for somehow making breakfast (or any meal really) just isn’t as enjoyable. Plus, there’s no one here to do the dishes or help pick up. (^_~) There’s no one here to talk to or joke with or just sit next to. I miss the closeness that comes with being in a relationship. Lazy Sundays on the couch, breakfast in bed (ha not that it’s ever been done, but still) having someone to comfort me when I’m sad or just generally feeling down. Especially having someone around to help me out when I’m sick, and I miss me being able to reciprocate all of this for someone who I care about. Someone to share all of my life secrets and knowledge with, to help me learn and grow as a person and quite frankly… no one to share more intimate moments with.
It took me a while to get used to sleeping in a bed by myself, not that I’ve ever been in a relationship in which I stayed with someone every night. But there were a couple of long weekends that were quite enjoyable.
I know that I won’t always feel like this, at least I seriously hope that I won’t. One day it’ll be different, I will have grown tired of being alone with my 3 cats. Either that or I’ll pay someone to be my companion, a live in friend maybe?! I know that no matter how low and lonely I feel, it won’t always be like this. It can’t always be like this! So here’s to ‘one day’… and making it all happen.