So a friend of mine actually brought this up last month, but since I had already started a blog challenge I thought I’d hold off. If you’d like you can read what she had to say by heading over to the Savvy Brunette. So this will be my first entry for the Single Woman’s 30-Day Blog Challenge, sounds fun yea? We’ll see… between this and what I’m doing over at the Secret Lives of Chicago Singles, this may be a bit much on the single talk! ha But I definitely encourage everyone to check out the above blogs. 😉
And ACTUALLY, I kind of started writing the basis of this challenge’s first topic; Why are YOU still single? So I guess I shall elaborate…
I’m good at three things:
Finding the guy who sparks up my life but doesn’t live within driving distance. I don’t mind a getaway once in a while but when you’re spending more time traveling than actually with your SO it becomes a bit tiresome. Eventually you have to have the dreaded “what now” conversation that leads to who will move where, and if that’s even an option. This is one of the moments where I fail, I don’t want to move and I’m pretty stubborn about it.
Finding the guy who’s emotionally stunted and/or just not ready to have an adult relationship. They can be fun, and sometimes I might do them a little good, but ultimately we won’t end up walking down that road to “happily ever after”. And that’s something that I’d ultimately like to do.
Being “one of the guys”. I’ve been called a “forward thinker” but I think that is mostly because I can be kind of a perv and not necessarily shy about something that someone might consider a “taboo” topic. I know my way around the proverbial locker room and I’ve spent many years learning the lingo. The only problem is that sometimes I find myself so deep in that friend zone that there’s no coming out the other end.
I’ve had a few long distance relationships, although I never planned to be in them, and I knew that it would be hard. But, they happened… first there was God’s Helper and the Grease Monkey was almost a LDR. Thank goodness it wasn’t though, or I don’t know where I would be today! Then the Artist that I could have sworn was gay. Seriously, he often made me wonder which way he actually went because he had more gay tendencies than his 2 really gay roommates. We met my first year of college and dated for the better half of five years, but the thing with him was that we had somewhat of an open relationship. No, I guess “somewhat” isn’t correct because we did have an Open relationship, his idea. When we were apart we could see other people, with the understanding that he and I were the first priority. We traveled back and forth a couple of times a month and he actually planned on moving up to Chicago once he was done with school. However, our relationship became too much for him and he became jealous so one thing led to another and we broke up. I think of all my break ups, this one was the ugliest, even worse than “stuck in a bathroom with a knife” dude. I had never had anyone tell me that they wanted nothing to do with me, or that they wished I’d just go away (which I did, for a really long time). He contacted me back in 2009 when I was studying abroad, claiming he’d put everything behind him and wanted to try to be friends. At this point he had gotten married and seemed to be living the dream he always wanted. I on the other hand didn’t want anything more to do with him and felt that he had no place in my life, nor I in his. He didn’t care for that response very much, but hey… YOU told me YOU didn’t want ME, you can’t take that back.
Everyone else that’s been lucky enough to call himself my significant other has generally fallen under the emotionally stunted category. Admittedly a lot of those guys I chose because I knew there was no real future with them, I had a way of sabotaging my own life like that, even though I wanted to be with someone and “live happily ever after”. Maybe that’s another thing that I’m good at; self sabotage. I’ve been mindful about that though, in an attempt to change. I’ve been single for a while, some of it by choice and some of it by chance. But overall I’ve been alright, I didn’t really give myself time to heal when I was younger. What is it that people say “the way to get over someone is to get under someone new”? Yea that’s pretty much what I did, I jumped from relationship to relationship and within three months I’d move on. I’m not sure what started the 3 month rule, it just seemed like a good idea. Three months was just enough time to be in that honeymoon stage, get to know the person and then bounce. There weren’t many who made it past that 3 month mark, and when they did I’d end up broken.
But now… now I know what I deserve, I know what others deserve from me and I’m willing to give this another shot.