I believe in being honest with people, at least trying to be when appropriate. I’m aware that there are situations where honesty may not be the best, and can make adjustments.
That being said, I have always been honest with any of the gents that I’ve met or talked to the past few months. My pictures are up to date, my info is up to date, everything is laid out in the open. Because I trust that who I see in the profile and who I come to know through our communication is who I will see when we meet. I’m aware that there’s always the chance that it might be all wrong but I’d think that if you’re planning to meet someone you would be honest about who you are…
This past Friday I went out with a guy that I was on the fence about, we’d exchanged a few messages over the last few weeks and then moved over to the phone. He said he wasn’t big on texting, which is fine, but then all he would do was text me. When we first started communicating with one another I wasn’t really sure I understood what he was saying. His messages where erratic, yet oddly they were eloquently worded, so much so that I was actually intimidated by them and almost just left it there. Something about how he said things made it sound a lot smarter than I’d been used to, not saying I date dumb people but you could tell that dude had an elaborate vocabulary as well as an imaginative mind. But I didn’t, I was intrigued to see how he was in person. After a couple of weeks we just stopped talking, and after my date with the Marine I figured none of the other guys I had been talking to brought up the idea of going out so I had to (begrudgingly) do it myself. I wouldn’t normally ask a guy out, that’s not how I was raised, and let’s face it I like being pursued. Who doesn’t? I was getting a bit frustrated that it wasn’t really happening, so I brought it up. I didn’t ask anyone out right if they wanted to go out, but I did touch the subject. He said he wanted to ask me out but just didn’t speak up when the opportunity came up. We finally spoke on the phone and it was awesome, for lack of a better word. If our written chemistry was good, or verbal chemistry was even better. We spoke three times regarding our date. Which he later asked if we could not call it a date and approach this as if we were becoming friends, fine by me because it takes some of the pressure off of things. Except, after that, he would always refer to it as…a date.
I was still questioning a few things but it felt alright. Initially we were talking about going to see Madame Butterfly at the Lyric Opera house which I was really excited about, but he said we could also do something prior to that, so the night of our non-date came and we decided to meet up at Café la Cave. I’ve dated before but usually it was more of a budding relationship between friends, so dates were more casual and relaxed and there wasn’t that whole “getting to know you” process that you have with a stranger. But I’d never really been OUT, or done anything super fancy, which is part of what I found exciting about the plans that we were trying to put together. If you haven’t been (or heard of) Café la Cave, it’s basically a banquet hall, but it also has a small restaurant in it with a bar. It’s a NICE place, I mean white linen table clothes and expensive food, kind of nice. I’m waiting outside as he’s walking up and he walked right past me. I didn’t even know it was him because he didn’t look like the guy in the pictures that I’d associated with him. I’m not sure exactly what it was but he just looked different. (that was odd) We greet each other and go into the restaurant, he asked me if we needed reservations (which honestly, he should have checked before hand since he was the one that planned the evening), we didn’t. We walk in and are looking over the menu and he notices how much it actually costs. I’d looked up the menu prior, I like to know what kind of foods are served, that way if it doesn’t look appealing I can suggest something else. As we’re looking he made a comment about the price range that I should consider, which maybe I’m wrong but I thought that was not something that should have been said. Maybe I’m weird though, but honestly I can’t justify paying a shit ton of money for food, so I’m not going to get the $58 dollar dish. Hell, I won’t get steak or seafood if it’s more than $20 and instead I’ll just go with chicken or a salad. I’m not going to have some guy pay $100+ for a meal that may not even go well! lol If we were dating, maybe, but not on a first encounter. We order our food (I got the Chicken Piccata, he got a green salad and a seafood platter) and started talking.
We talked about everything and anything, and maybe even a few things that you’re not supposed to – religion/politics etc. He. Could. Talk! Which isn’t that big of a deal because I’m not much of a talker so at least one of us could create some noise. It wasn’t a horrible night, but I had become a bit disillusioned by the person who actually showed up, he wasn’t exactly what I had imagined (which is one of the bad things about online dating). We spent a good chunk of the evening talking, after the restaurant had closed we decided to sit in my car and talk some more. We were waiting to hear back from some people because we were supposed to go out dancing. My friends were still making plans while we were at dinner so I told them to let me know once everyone knew where they were going and we’d probably show up (his idea). Before I realized it, it was after 3am. I really just wanted it to end, I wanted it to end right after dinner but I couldn’t figure out how to make that happen. Previously he had made some comments about how people sometimes cut the night short after dinner rather than go through with the entire night and that he wasn’t rude like that, so I didn’t want to be an asshole. He’d also made a comment about how people can rule others out due to certain ‘road blocks’. In our conversations he had eluded to the fact that his life wasn’t perfect and that he had done a lot of soul searching and personal growth in the last few years, but he never came out and said exactly what the “road blocks” were… until about 4AM on the night of our date.
Homeboy has 2 kids, which he made absolutely NO mention of prior to that moment. He said that he hadn’t mentioned it because people are quick to rule him out and think of him as undateable. No, I don’t necessarily think that having kids makes a person undateable, I think not TELLING someone that you have kids makes you undateable. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t date someone with kinds, but more that I wouldn’t do that right now, because I am in no way ready to deal with that kind of responsibility. Whether it be my own kids or someone else’s kids. I’m not a kid person, I lack the level of “Maternal” instinct that is needed to really be around children. I mean, I have 2 young nieces, and my family jokes all of the time that they wouldn’t leave the kids with me. EVERY one who is close to me, knows about my aversion, I mean, I LOVE my nieces (*step/nonstep), but I go about them a whole different way. And it’s taken me a long time to really get comfortable with them to the point that I can interact with them. My idea of being a good aunt is dropping $100 on them for their birthday (which I do). Those kids have gotten more out of me than I’ve given anyone else I’ve known in my life. I just… don’t know how to take care of little people. Maybe that makes me a bad person, I don’t know. We’ve all become pretty accepting of this part of me. So, when he told me this, I applauded him for being a good father (or trying to be) but I didn’t really see myself being with him romantically after that.
We ended the night after that, and went our separate ways. He ended up calling me around 10 AM the next day (I was still very much asleep) to ask if I wanted to meet him (and his oldest son) at Gameworks. I felt like such an ass for not responding but what could I say? Thankfully the night before I had explained that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. But I know that I’m going to have an actual conversation with him about this… he’s a nice guy, just… not the guy for me.
That same morning I received a text from the Marine asking me out again, that was a surprise. I honestly thought I wouldn’t hear from him again.