The past XX years in snippets

One of two things will happen with this; either I will do this today and continue as a way to give you better insight into how delusional I may be, or I will do this tonight and never return to the thought.

September 2010:

“Random Thought”- It would be like me that my longest “relationships” weren’t real relationships…

B & I were off and on for almost 5 years, probably longer. but never together for various reasons that he had… yet he loved me and “wanted to be with me”. Classic “boy wants girl”/”boy can’t have girl” scenario.

J & I were together over 5 years, officially one (unofficially 4), but it was LD and he didn’t want to move to Chicago, despite loving it, loving me and most of his life being in Chicago (go figure!).

N &  I were together almost 3 years, unofficially… he was happy for the time being and I didn’t push anything more on him to make things official for fear of losing him, which I did in the end anyway (for various reasons).

What has this taught me? Loads… most of which I won’t say out loud because I know how it will make me sound, and that’s an image that I struggle to break. Yes, I was “that” girl, in love with the idea of being in love, even when it meant that I was lying to myself (most of the time). Always wearing rose colored glasses, but hey we’re naive sometimes right? I just happened to be naive longer than most. *insert cliche’s here about love and relationships and growing up stronger* But as I mentioned in a previous post, every heartbreak and every bad situation has taught me something more about myself and what I want out of my life. I hold no ill will towards those that have hurt me and wish them nothing but the best in their own lives. In fact, I thank you… it’s not something I always have the opportunity to say, but it’s true. I wouldn’t know how to love, if I hadn’t loved you…

(this entry has made me realize that I’ve been blogging since 2002, but writing since I was probably 13. Anything before 2002, however, was destroyed. It’s also made me realize the importance of ‘tagging’ posts *face;palm*)



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